My rainy day craft box

No one wants to read another Hobby Lobby post saying the same things others have said louder and better than I can. So much hair has been torn and so many breasts have been struck in righteous anger that I can add nothing to the general din. What I can do is be candid about myself.

It's something of an open secret, but I think the time is past due to just say it: I no longer identify as Christian anymore. And if you're someone who goes back with me for any length of time you know that's a big deal for me, and that I held out far longer than just about anyone else I know of who has had a similar struggle. It has been hard to put into words why it happened until now; until today, in fact.

I left Christianity because Christ is not in it. He is where He always was: out in the world doing good, and calling down wrath on those who profane His temples with lies and greed. I left it because I see more of Christ in the pagans and atheists who have fed me and cared for me, asking nothing in return over the years, than I do in the Green Family with their ranks low-wage workers and their enslaved Chinese factories. I left because I see more of Christ in Odin's sacrifice upon the Tree and Thor's intent to lay down his life to end the poisoning of the sky than I do in those who tell me to cast down idols of metal and stone. I left because again and again among those of all faiths and of none, I see evidence of a God who fights Hell at endless cost to Himself rather than a God who wields it as the ultimate oppression.

I left Christianity because it does not own Christ. He goes where He wants and does what He will, and He'll do it whether you choose to hear Him or see Him or not. But I think He'd be delighted if you'd try. I would like to thank Hobby Lobby, the Green Family, and the United States Supreme Court for reminding me that i made the right decision.

I'd like to take some time to talk about my music. For some time now I have been working on my music project called Sabtabiel's Remains with combines elements of thrash, goth, and power metal to tell an apocalyptic Lovecraftian story. Needless to say, it's a lot of work and the going has been slow. Rewarding and exciting, but slow.

Well, what's happening is during the last few days I got a little bit distracted.

I am discovering that I have more musical ideas than Sabtabiel's Remains can contain on its own. Through a chain of events and inspirations that probably is only interesting to me, I decided to start composing some death metal. I will now give anyone who needs to a moment to do a Google or YouTube search to learn exactly what that is and what it sounds like.

Did you do it? Good.

Death metal by its nature tackles really dark, unpleasant, and often gory subjects. This is not as confining as it sounds. In fact, I find myself having a lot of fun thinking about subjects that are not dark and gory at all, but still writing about them in the death metal lyrical style. This isn't as silly as it sounds.

My first experiment is to convey my experience for an artform I deeply enjoy and one which is near and dear to many of my friends: bellydancing. It is interesting so far, creating a tribute to this sensual, feminine artform using what is seen as a violent, hypermasculine medium. I am still composing the music but here are the lyrics for anyone who is interested.

A final note: the title refers to Semyaza, who in Judeo-Christian myth led a band of fallen angels who seduced women and inspired humankind in every form of art and science. This is reimagines the Semyaza legend with feminine angelic figures who seduce and inspire.

All content is copyright to me. Please do not share.

( Read more... )

More and more lately I keep finding myself with things to blog about but when I sit down to do it it all goes away.

I got very nauseous on the way to work today. Wound up calling in sick and coming home. I feel bad about doing it but I knew I wasn't going to be able to pull a shift. I slept for most of the day and woke up feeling okay. Maybe it was stress that did it to me, I dunno. Work has been stressing and angering me a lot lately.

I'm really doing well writing music for my future metal band. I'm making a focused effort to write for soprano female vocals and it's actually turning out to be really good for me musically. It's getting me to add an element to my songwriting that I've been trying to find but that just hasn't been there before. After the theatre group does its performances in June I plan to buckle down, get with some musicians, and get to serious work. Exciting yet scary at the same time.

The price for all this musical completeness is that my fiction writing has suffered. I need to get back on that.

Questions of faith keep springing up a lot around me lately and I seem to encounter them even when trying not to seek them out. Maybe someone's trying to tell me something. I know a lot of it is probably being spurred by a book I'm reading called Wanderings by Chaim Potok. I don't read as much non-fiction as I should but I found this book on the clearance rack for one dollar and couldn't pass it up. It's a history of the Jewish people, but also serves as a very comprehensive history of the Middle East both before and during Biblical times. It takes a really interesting and informative approach to both Judaic and pagan beliefs of that time and how they changed and developed. It's really making my mind open to exploring a lot of things and asking a lot of questions. Potok is primarily a fiction writer and I'm curious to check out his novels now based on how unflinchingly he handles non-fiction.

I don't know that I can blame Potok's history book entirely though. I think the questions would keep coming up regardless.

Megadeth guitarist/vocalist/songwriter Dave Mustaine endorses Rick Santorum for president.

I keep meaning to sit down and blog about my actual life, but it takes one of my lifelong heroes coming out in favor of a man who opposes everything I care about to make me sit down and write.

I will put up with a lot from Dave Mustaine and I have. A lot of people have. I think he has garnered that coveted "crazy old uncle" quality within the metal community where he can pretty much say whatever he wants and everyone just shakes their head and says "Oh Dave..." Or at the very worst, they make fun of him and mock him, then sneak off and go headbang to "Hangar 18" and "Wake Up Dead" when nobody is looking.

But I can't look beyond this. And perhaps that is hypocritical of me because I listen to bands who are against the things I believe in all the time. Maybe the problem is attitude. You've got bands like Slayer and Cradle of Filth who blaspheme God for a living but when they're offstage they're all happy and goofy to the point where you want to pinch their cheeks and say "You are just precious!" And then there's Dave who has been accused of many things during his long career but having a sense of humor has not been one of them.

I could also point out that I feel Rick Santorum blasphemes God on an entirely different level that no mere metal band could ever hope to reach. But that is an entirely different discussion.

Another discussion that's worth having but also something of a digression is that heavy metal, for all its talk of rebellion and resistance is by and large an intensely conservative culture. A lot of metalheads don't like change in their music and don't like change in their world around them. There is a big undercurrent of homophobia in the culture. I say these things as someone who loves the scene enough to be honest about its shortcomings. In a way it is not surprising that sooner or later someone of great stature within the culture would come out in favor of a politician like Rick Santorum.

I just wish it had not been Dave Mustaine. I don't hold being a Republican against him. Hell, Jon Schaeffer of Iced Earth, another prominent metal musician whom I admire, is an outspoken Libertarian and Libertarians scare the hell out of me. Schaeffer, however, seems to know how to speak about his political views without alienating his target audience. That is a skill Mustaine has never had and never cared to. Anyway, as I said I could care less about him being a Republican or voting for one. Unfortunately I feel Rick Santorum is the most destructive one available, the one most committed to destroying things I value very highly. So I'm sorry Dave, but after twenty-two years of believing in you and feeling like you were there for me through your music, this is where you and I part ways.

This has dragged on about two months longer than I intended it to and I'm not going to drag it into the New Year. Let's wrap it up.

( The prompts... )

Day Twenty-Six: Favorite classical female character (from pre-20th century literature or mythology or the like)

I don't have one specifically but I am becoming deeply and increasingly enamored of the warrior goddess archetype; the kind of goddess who would rather nurture art, and love, and beauty, yet who will remorselessly cut down anyone who tries to destroy those things. It fascinates me and I fear it signifies a spiritual shift on my part, but that would be a very long discussion in and of itself.

Day Twenty-Seven: A female character you have extensive personal canon for

Since I recently wrote my first ever fanfiction and it was about Eileen Galvin from Silent Hill 4 I guess... her? I will admit that I am somewhat obsessed with the Lady of Shalott and in my imagination she actually manages to survive and have other adventures.

Day Twenty-Eight: Favorite female writer (television, books, movies, etc.)

I think it's Jacqueline Carey, author of the Kushiel series. I gripe and complain about her books constantly, yet I can't stop wanting to reread them and I don't reread books very often so I guess that makes her my favorite. Yes Phedre is a big fat Mary Sue, and yes she reiterates the same statements, actions, and concepts often enough that you could make a drinking game out of it. But if you can get past the first third of each novel, each of which is nothing but Phedre being stupid, wallowing in her silly little problems and silly little lifestyle, then you will be treated to epic fantasy adventures as good as the best that's been written in the genre. Go Jacqueline.

Day Twenty-Nine: A female-centric fic rec

I recommend anything by Charles De Lint. Most of his books feature a strong female main protagonist or supporting protagonist and the way he tells stories is mesmerizing, haunting, and beautiful. He can incorporate all the horror and beauty of human existence into one perfect package of a story.

Day Thirty: Whatever you’d like!

If you like art, myth, and beautiful women then please check out the Facebook page of this artist friend of mine!

https://www.facebook.com/thepaintedgoddess

At work today I came across a book called Prayers that Route Demons by John Eckhardt. It is, as you'd imagine, an evangelical Christian prayerbook formulated to smite the forces of darkness in the name of our Lord.

Okay, before I get into this let me say right now that I believe in God and I also believe in demons; and I believe both can and do interact with our world and influence human lives. My belief in this is not something that's up for debate in the context of this post. But I believe it, it's there, and I'm throwing it out there in the interest of full disclosure so that no one gets the wrong idea of why I'm going out of my way to discus this book.

I spent a good amount of time thumbing through this slim book and for being small, it is comprehensive. Eckhardt has protective prayers against everything from demons who merely befoul rivers, valleys, and deserts with their presence, to the ones behind things like disease and terrorism. The prayers themselves are often loose phrasings of Bible verses, but always with the relevant scriptural passage in parentheses. Of course anyone who knows the Bible knows that demons and other supernatural beings appear infrequently at best. But apparently a passage about a given Israelite hero defeating a human enemy will give you similar power to defeat a supernatural foe. I'm not saying this is untrue, but I am saying that this book does a terrible job of providing context for the verses it offers up. A Christian not well-versed in the Bible could get the impression from this book that the Bible is nothing but wall-to-wall demon thrashing from cover to cover. It isn't.

I'm not one to condemn a book for its cover but I've got to condemn this one. It is marketing based on fear. The edition we stock is slightly different than the one pictured at the link above. I couldn't find any pictures of the edition we have, but it's plain brown leather. The scary-looking title font is still the same, as is the circular medallion. Except the medallion is embossed on the cover in such a way that the jewels shine a menacing blood red.

That's right. It looks like a leather-bound grimoire, or like something a Puritan witch hunter would carry. The people this book is marketed toward are the kind likely to forcibly submit their child to an exorcism if they caught them reading Harry Potter or playing Dungeons & Dragons.... yet what they have here is their own book of magic spells! The "prayers" culled from scripture are served up as simple one-sentence incantations you need merely utter to ward off evil. It's even got counter-spells in it. There's an entire section devoted to prayers that local "witches and warlocks" will repent and that their "cauldrons" will be broken and their contents spilled out!

I was taught that Christ is triumphant over sin and darkness; that where He is there should be joy and comfort. I actually don't have a problem with a book of holy spells. in my fantasy games I'm always playing priests and paladins: I think it's a beautiful mythic trope. But this book is bound and presented in such a way as to make sure you stay afraid of the Devil. And I guess I have a problem with that.

To make matters worse, it's not even accurate on some very basic things. It's bad enough that John Eckhardt thinks there are covens of "witches and warlocks" working evil in "cauldrons" behind every tree. But he goes further. In addition to mentioning such Biblical fiends as Leviathan, Beelzebub, and Belial, (with, I might add, absolutely no context or history regarding them,) he goes so far as to name Jezebel as a demonic principality. In case you don't know, Jezebel was the wife of the wicked Biblical king Ahab. She was downright evil, but completely human. Depending on who you talk to, (and assuming you believe in any kind of afterlife at all,) she is either asleep in Sheol awaiting judgment like all other dead, or she is awake and experiencing Hell. But she is not a demon.

I have to wonder why Eckhardt, clearly a scholar of scripture, would make a glaring error like that? He specifically calls Jezebel a "female" principality. Is his point that there are girl demons too? Then why not use an actual girl demon like Lilith or Naamah, or that notorious nuisance to Old Testament prophets Asherah? Probably because their names don't immediately ping on the radar of Protestant Evangelicals the way that of the notorious harlot Jezebel does.

Again, a book like this in the hands of people full of spiritual zeal but lacking spiritual education is dangerous. And that's exactly who it's marketed toward.

Weird work scheduel today. I don't go in untl 6 pm and only work four-and-a-half hours. So I'm taking advantage of the afternoon. Since it's payday I've mailed off this week's batch of bills. Today I paid off one of the bills that's in collection. It was the smallest one but it still feels like real progress and everything else looks slightly less overwhelming in comparison. Although I still feel stressed since my next payday doesn't fall until two days after my car payment is due and I don't have any way to pay it before then. Should be okay but I hate drawing their scrutiny.

Driving around today is giving me a chance to listen to Epica's "Design Your Universe" album in full. Feels good.

I quit christianity for good last night since it fills me with anger far more regularly than it ever does love for Christ. Far too many regular commenters in that community would be more honest if they began all their statements with "Papa Smurf says" and ended them with "...and Papa Smurf is always right." If I'm going to be in a community with a bunch of loudmouthed pedagogues who just like to sit around and agree with each other I at least want it to be one where I share the majority opinion.

Time to leave the library and get back to work. Have a job to go apply for.

Some friends recently had a discussion about religion and one of them made the analogy that "God is basically like an MMO developer." This got me thinking and that's never a good thing. If God is an MMO developer then that would mean different religions and beliefs are like different types of players you encounter in the games. Remember this is all in good fun.

CATHOLICISM: Hardcore endgame raiding guild who distributes loot based on a VERY strict DKP system. Guild Leader has the final say in ALL matters, however you are expected to report to one of the guild officers regularly, especially if you have any conflicts with guild plans and goals.

JUDAISM: Veteran raiders who have been playing since the game was released and feel that with each expansion the game has gotten farther away from its original intent. Despite the fact that they openly shy away from newer content they are still constantly believed to have vast amounts of loot and gear. Regularly raid old content, but on a slightly different schedule than many other raiding guilds.

EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANITY: Can be seen in chat constantly PUG'ing for group members, saying that you MUST be geared and WILL be inspected. Even highly geared and experienced players are turned away for not being geared enough. Also tend to take PVP events based around in-game holidays very, very seriously.

BUDDHISM: Tries very hard to reach endgame content but keeps getting distracted by leveling alts. Have been known to change factions/races/servers regularly.

ATHEISM: Think that the game is entirely too focused on endgame content and PVP and that it's not fair to people who just want to play casually. In fact, peoples' fanatical obsession with getting endgame-level gear is responsible for nearly all the PVP in the game and the game would be better off without it. If you try to explain to them that the developers care they will claim it has been proven that the developers do not even read the game forums. And even if they do they don't listen to what the players want anyway.

JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: [JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES] Is family-friendly guild for mature players! We are actively looking for members and want to help you quest and level! Pst me for details!
[JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES] Is family-friendly guild for mature players! We are actively looking for members and want to help you quest and level! Pst me for details!
[JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES] Is family-friendly guild for mature players! We are actively looking for members and want to help you quest and level! Pst me for details!

Last night was good. I had dinner with a friend I grew up with. It will be almost four years until I see her again because she's moving to Italy with her husband. I'm really happy for her, but it's a bittersweet farewell knowing that much will change in our lives between now and then and there will be so many things we will be unable to see each other have. I'm thrilled for her though. She's living the dream; going exactly where she's always wanted to go, doing exactly what she's always wanted to do. And if we're ever able to go to Italy we're pretty much guaranteed crash space!

Pastor asked me to tell him about my writing. So I did. I didn't go into specifics, just said that he probably wouldn't like my novel as it's very sexual. I felt that was an honest enough way of putting things. I'm interested to hear what he will say.

Someone shares my opinion on that greatest of vehicular eyesores, the Darwin fish. 

DISCLAIMER:  The point of me sharing this is NOT to go "Oh, Christians are so persecuted!" We're not. And based on the name of the article's author and some of the comments that he makes, I think there is a very good chance that he is, in fact, Jewish. I don't find the Darwing fish offensive because it insults Christianity, but because it professes the bearer's ignorance on the subject while presuming to be smart. The Icthys emblem denotes a belief in Jesus Christ. A belief in Jesus Christ (or Zeus, or Amaterasu, or Shang Ti, etc.) and a belief in evolution are two entirely seperate things. And yes, the sheer hypocrisy is maddening too. Just like the author, I have seen my share of Darwin fish slapped on the back of cars alongside "Hate is NOT a family value!" and similar dear and fluffy messages of so-called tolerance and love.

I have a friend who once lived in an American city well known for its high population of conservative religious people. She drove around with a bumper sticker that said "When religion ruled the world, it was called the Dark Ages!" She loved to complain about how people would give her dirty looks while driving, or leave notes on her car while it was parked, and would go on and on about how intolerant Christians were. She did not see the intolerance of her own actions. I believe an argument could be made that she was receiving the very reaction from people that she had sought out to begin with. I pointed out once that for every person who left a note or gave a look, there were probably twenty-five Christians who went on their way past, simply trying to live their own lives. It's very easy to bait a group of people we don't like and not even realize that we're doing it.

Years ago I saw a t-shirt that showed a Darwin fish and a Jesus fish facing each other, with a little red heart above them as though they were kissing, with the caption "Stop the fish wars." To this day, I wish I'd bought it.