![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Fucking kidneys!
Jan. 25th, 2011 10:24 amIf you love me, cook me fried chicken. If you hate me, fry me chicken thighs. Chicken thighs are revolting and gross me out. I just can't stand biting into something and finding a kidney. Or worse, biting into a fucking kidney. Kidneys store piss. They are not for eating. I don't care how deep-fried it is, nothing that has contained a chicken's lifetime worth of chicken piss is meant for human consumption! Or any other kind of piss for that matter.
When I was growing up we had a vicious outdoor cat who would attack and kill any animal smaller than itself. He would summarily leave these small mammals on the patio in front of the back door as a gift for the family. We never accepted them of course, but he never stopped trying. Usually after twenty-four hours he would give up and eat the kill himself. So in the morning we would usually find a smear of blood and a pair of disembodied rodent kidneys lying where the wee beastie had been. Seriously, he would eat them bones and all but leave the fucking kidneys! What does that tell you? That cat wasn't dumb but I refuse to let him be smarter than me. Morris the notoriously non-picky killing machine just refused to eat Mr. Field Mouse's twin piss tanks. Maybe we should all listen to what he's trying to tell us.
And I'm sure someone is probably going "But what about oral sex? You pee down there too!" And I'm sure you're not surprised to hear me say that's different. But it is. You can and should perform hygiene on your dong/cooter before cramming it down someone's throat, ensuring that they have a pleasant and piss-free experience. Kidneys DO NOTHING but store piss all day, every day. Don't tell me any amount of cleaning and cooking will get the smell out. Plus, when you're going down on someone you're generally stimulating only outer things. You're not getting the total urethra experience. If our kidneys were somehow exposed and erogenous I would have no problem with licking the outside of them to stimulate your partner. But I will not eat kidneys from a dead animal. That, sir, is where I draw the line.
When I was growing up we had a vicious outdoor cat who would attack and kill any animal smaller than itself. He would summarily leave these small mammals on the patio in front of the back door as a gift for the family. We never accepted them of course, but he never stopped trying. Usually after twenty-four hours he would give up and eat the kill himself. So in the morning we would usually find a smear of blood and a pair of disembodied rodent kidneys lying where the wee beastie had been. Seriously, he would eat them bones and all but leave the fucking kidneys! What does that tell you? That cat wasn't dumb but I refuse to let him be smarter than me. Morris the notoriously non-picky killing machine just refused to eat Mr. Field Mouse's twin piss tanks. Maybe we should all listen to what he's trying to tell us.
And I'm sure someone is probably going "But what about oral sex? You pee down there too!" And I'm sure you're not surprised to hear me say that's different. But it is. You can and should perform hygiene on your dong/cooter before cramming it down someone's throat, ensuring that they have a pleasant and piss-free experience. Kidneys DO NOTHING but store piss all day, every day. Don't tell me any amount of cleaning and cooking will get the smell out. Plus, when you're going down on someone you're generally stimulating only outer things. You're not getting the total urethra experience. If our kidneys were somehow exposed and erogenous I would have no problem with licking the outside of them to stimulate your partner. But I will not eat kidneys from a dead animal. That, sir, is where I draw the line.
