uberreiniger | 9/11: Personal Reflections

Has it already been two years? It feels like it's been a long time, but it doesn't feel like it's been two years. Does that make any sense. But the date got me thinking and that's always a dangerous thing. So here is my open letter to America about all the things it hasn't learned since the day the towers fell. *RANT WARNING*

1) To drug users: Marijuana and Ecstasy are bad for you. You know it and I know it, so please cut the BS. They are not illegal because the Mean Ol' Government wants to ruin your good time. They are illegal because these drugs make you stupid and there are enough stupid people born into the world as it is without you artificially making more.

2) To atheists: When you deny the existence of something you forfeit the right to be offended by it. So please, kindly shut up and let the rest of us enjoy Christmas/high school graduation/whatever. You are not being oppressed. You will KNOW when you are being oppressed. As a demonstration, please take a vacation in Iran or just about any nation in Africa or the Balkans so you can find out what being oppressed by a religion really is.

3) To Fundamentalist Christians: You are loud, rude, cruel, un-Christlike, and nobody likes you. Not even other Christians. Especially other Christians.

4) To a very tiny minority of black America: Nobody owes you reparations.

5) To illegal aliens: You are going the wrong way. Thanks to the crooked corporations who run our government making deals with the petty dictators who run yours, all our best jobs have been moved wherever it was you tried to leave from. Sorry. Joke's on you. I'm not happy about it either.

6) To pro-abortionists: I respect your point of view, but given it's nature, please stop being surprised when other people disagree with it.

7) To anti-abortionists: Remember all those children you told these girls to put up for adoption? Adopt one. It goes a looong way toward giving your argument weight. And lighten up on birth control, too. If it's that or a dead baby which would you rather pick?

8) To men: Contrary to what you may have read in HUSTLER, most women don't enjoy or even want to think about anal sex or sex with other women, so if your girlfriend says no, please just stop asking. However, if she says yes, (and more importantly, afterward says "again!") don't brag about it to your male friends. Cause dude, if you two break up, they're so totally calling her.

9) To women: We don't care how fat you are. Beauty comes from within and ugly knows no weight class.

10) To the Politically Correct: You are right, jokes about one's race/sexuallity/ethnicity/religion are not funny. What they are is FUCKING HILARIOUS! So step off the soap box, get over here, and start laughing your sick asses off with the rest of us.