I have not slept these are my thoughts. Episode 2 of Ranting mit Uberreiniger

[uberreiniger]

Things I don't understand pt.

WOMEN'S LOVE OF MERCEDES LACKEY: It seems like every girl I know who shares even a few of my hobbies has read at least one Mercedes Lackey novel - but more likely all of them. What's the appeal? I wish I could make gamer chicks love me by writing gay romance novels with flying horses in them.

THE HONESTY OF BEER AND CHOCOLATE: They leave the body the same color they were going in. Why cannot all food be so honest?

THE FIFTH AMMENDMENT: If a criminal's dumb enough to admit to a crime on the stand, he deserves what he gets. Isn't the purpose of a trial to establish guilt? Think of the tax payer money that could be saved if not for the damn fifth amendment giving the criminal the right not to establish his guilt at the damn proceeding he's there to have his guilt established at! I sense that slave-raping atheist Jefferson's hand in this one. Damned Illuminati bastard...

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO NINJAS: Seriously, what ever happened to them? Why can't I go down to the Y and learn ninjitsu? Why don't Navy SEALS get Shinobi training? What happened to all those cornball ninja movies Hollywood was making in the 80's? The last American Ninja movie left me hanging. I want more!

This concludes tonight's Ranting mit Uberreiniger. Join us next time where we cover such topics as speculums, middle school, nail fungus, and rubber.

Comments

[megiloth.livejournal.com]

1. Never heard of him/her

2. Not the beer I drink. What about white chocolate?

3. That's why I always plead the 2nd Ammendment

4. I'm waiting for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs Jet Li

[stitchedsutures.livejournal.com]

Hey, as the anti-girl i can honestly say ive never even cracked open a Mercedes Lackey book, even if i have had to organize the shelf after fucking shelf of the far beyond numberous things countless times while working over the sci fi section when i worked at the bookstore.

[batchix.livejournal.com]

Companions don't fly and only three books of the 20+ book series are about gay men. think about it this way... almost every girl is horse crazy and in Valdemar the Heralds get picked up by all white horses(that's a long explination but they are essentially horses) that are every bit as intellegent as they are and WILL LOVE THEM FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT. All the heralds are trust worthy because of mind magic and such so they are all good friends(how many of those girls also grew up friendless and picked on?). Also the stories are written the way that most women "see" things. Tastes, clothing, feel of clothing/objects, places, and sounds are described in utmost detail but in an interesting way. People are emmotional... and some of the female characters go, "HELL NO I DON'T WANT BABIES!!!" and the ones who DO have babies don't immediately drop off the face of the planet once they have them... nor do they become matrons or are no longer sexual in anyway. There's usually a lot going on in the books too. Yeah, there's political intrigue and such, but it'll be layerd with several other parts... oh. And every single book in the series is written so that you could pick up any of the books and just read it... it doesn't have to be in order. *shrugs* I think the most interesting thing is that magic is treated much like science. Gryffons don't exist naturally they were created by a mage with the knowledge of physiology... like a genetically created creature.

... and I really don't like the three books written about the gay men. It's not as well written... someone asked about her why make Vanyell gay and she said it was because she never though she'd end up writing the books about him. He started out as an afterthought.

Re:

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I thought they flew... Man, it's been a long time since I've read them. I don't really hate her, I just noticed a trend was all. And when I notice trends, I t-bag 'em, by golly! As Cartman from South Park would say "Yew can't tell me yew've ever read a Mercedes Lackey novel that DIDN'T have a buncha gay cowboys standin' around eatin' pudding!" :)

All white horses... now I've got Tori Amos's "Winter" running through my head...

And what about Anne McCaffrey?

[donkeyjon.livejournal.com]

Ok, I'm showing my maleness here, but I think I now finally understand why every woman I know *loves* the Anne McCaffrey books as well. Written from a overbearingly female perspective...check. Dragons that unconditionally love their riders...check. The power to change your world, and not to just be a baby machine...check. I must admit I read some of them and felt like I was sneaking a peek into my sister's diary. I just didn't understand why people *bought* this stuff.

Of course, I had much the same reaction to Anne Rice. I'll be honest with you, in my world, when men become vampires, they become the ultimate sexual predators. They can have any woman they like for the Embrace, which is better than any sex they've ever had. Instead, all vampires immediately become homosexual and desire nothing more than to lure young blonde-haired rebels into their dark castles for hours of talk (foreplay), and sex (biting). This was primarily the reason I resisted the White Wolf games for so long. I'm just not gay, and figured it would be pretty hard to keep up the pretense for an entire campaign. :)

Someone mentioned to me after I'd read a few of the Anne Rice novels that she wrote romance novels too. I told them to remove the "too" from their previous sentence.

Re: And what about Anne McCaffrey?

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Then you have Robert Jordan who thinks he knows what women talk like but after carefully re-reading the series, I'm beginning to think he has no clue.

I've never played in a Vampire campaign that had an overwhelming amount of gayness, to tell you the truth. I think Anne Rice just has a fetish for gay men. Honestly, I feel the same about her as I do the Laurell K. Hamilton novels... the first books were good, but after that you could replace the main character's name with "My 32nd Level Undead Necromancer/Mage/Thief" and still have the same story.

Inside every novellist there is a frustrated Munchkin gamer just waiting to get out. Trust me. I know. So when a character named My 32nd Level Undead Necromance/Mage/Thief appears in the third novel of my series, don't be surprised.