Stupid Thing Read in Another LJ User's Bio of the Week

[uberreiniger]

The LJ user who said this will remain anonymous. Even I am not that cruel.Her statement was...

"I am COMPLETELY straight, but I do enjoy the occasional lesbian encounter!"

Now, I could easily and with my softest breath flay the flawed flesh of this statement's idiocy from the bent, misshaped bones of its utter illogic and leave the decimated tatters of its foolish irrelevancy flapping on the winds of relentless intellect, but I won't. It is simply not required. Do you know why? Because I know for a fact that you, my readers, have an intelligence quotient at least equal to, and in the overwhelming majority of cases, VASTLY greater than, that of a common grapefruit! In the unlikely event that you should agree with this denial-ridden rug muncher's grotesquely misguided assertation of her heterosexuallity, then I fear you may - and I stress MAY - be less intelligent than a grapefruit. In fact, you may be so unintelligent that it may be unsafe for you to remain in the American workforce. I will purchase bushels of grapefruit, fashion tiny suits for them, type them up resumes, and send them to your employer's to apply for work. Within a week, a grapefruit will be doing your job, (most likely for greater pay,) and you will be unemployed and most likely still believing that Miss Skewed Preception of Reality and her occasional lesbian encounters is still completely straight.

*sigh* We are the species that built the pyramids. We have unlocked the mysteries of life beyond the cellular levels and have harnassed the power of the atom. Yet every now and then, atavistic mental anomalies such as this... woman emerge and I fear for our future. A cold, numb nagging terror burns in the base of my spine and I look nervously at the apes and monkeys we think are so safely locked away behind bars and my knees tremble. One day soon I fear that the dice of Natural Selection shall come up snake-eyes and a terrible cataclysm will end our callous domination of this planet and our mighty civilization with all its hubris will topple forever into unending, unrelenting darkness.

And you know what the really sad thing? It's a disaster that will most likely be completely preventable, but the completely straight person capable of stopping it will be too busy having lesbian sex.

Comments

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Actually, I hear in Florida they're having a hard enough time finding work for the grapefruits as it is. (It's true. The NY Times the other day had a cover story talking about the financial losses Florida grapefruit growers have been experiencing the last two years.) Suffice to say, this will ensure you're job security for some time to come :)