Stupid Thing Read in Another LJ User's Bio of the Week

[uberreiniger]

The LJ user who said this will remain anonymous. Even I am not that cruel.Her statement was...

"I am COMPLETELY straight, but I do enjoy the occasional lesbian encounter!"

Now, I could easily and with my softest breath flay the flawed flesh of this statement's idiocy from the bent, misshaped bones of its utter illogic and leave the decimated tatters of its foolish irrelevancy flapping on the winds of relentless intellect, but I won't. It is simply not required. Do you know why? Because I know for a fact that you, my readers, have an intelligence quotient at least equal to, and in the overwhelming majority of cases, VASTLY greater than, that of a common grapefruit! In the unlikely event that you should agree with this denial-ridden rug muncher's grotesquely misguided assertation of her heterosexuallity, then I fear you may - and I stress MAY - be less intelligent than a grapefruit. In fact, you may be so unintelligent that it may be unsafe for you to remain in the American workforce. I will purchase bushels of grapefruit, fashion tiny suits for them, type them up resumes, and send them to your employer's to apply for work. Within a week, a grapefruit will be doing your job, (most likely for greater pay,) and you will be unemployed and most likely still believing that Miss Skewed Preception of Reality and her occasional lesbian encounters is still completely straight.

*sigh* We are the species that built the pyramids. We have unlocked the mysteries of life beyond the cellular levels and have harnassed the power of the atom. Yet every now and then, atavistic mental anomalies such as this... woman emerge and I fear for our future. A cold, numb nagging terror burns in the base of my spine and I look nervously at the apes and monkeys we think are so safely locked away behind bars and my knees tremble. One day soon I fear that the dice of Natural Selection shall come up snake-eyes and a terrible cataclysm will end our callous domination of this planet and our mighty civilization with all its hubris will topple forever into unending, unrelenting darkness.

And you know what the really sad thing? It's a disaster that will most likely be completely preventable, but the completely straight person capable of stopping it will be too busy having lesbian sex.

Comments

[megiloth.livejournal.com]

"I am COMPLETELY straight, but I do enjoy the occasional lesbian encounter!"

ME TOO! *brownchickenbrownbrown*

We are the species that built the pyramids.

Nope. The aliens did that with the help of Ghandi and the Freemasons.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

"I am COMPLETELY straight, but I do enjoy the occasional lesbian encounter!"

ME TOO!

And that's the way it should be. 'Cause if all ya got's two lesbians, then ya ain't got dick...

[megiloth.livejournal.com]

HAHA G.I.

You make a FUNNY!

*Winner of the Hilarious Post Award*

[anirishspitfire.livejournal.com]

~After making another scene by laughing out loud in the internet cafe...~ Good God, that has to be *thee* funniest post I have ever read. Not so much that the subject matter to begin with was so complexly hilarious, but the flawless way you expressed you reactions and thoughts, linking that one line into the detailed destruction of mankind, was utterly hilarious. (I especially enjoyed the 'purchase bushels of grapefruit, fashion tiny suits for them,..etc' part.)

Re: *Winner of the Hilarious Post Award*

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I thank you very much for your kind compliments. I wish I could stay and discuss your thoughts on the piece much longer, unfortunately, I'm very busy right now. Thank you! *hunches back over work desk and returns to frantically stitching grapefruit-sized business wear*

Re: *Winner of the Hilarious Post Award*

[anirishspitfire.livejournal.com]

~Just dies laughing.~

[skynock.livejournal.com]

Well oodly enough this pleases me to hear people like this exsist outside of the little world I've placed them in my mind, and "those people who call me all day" I've always assumed they were just trying to make my life hard. Apperantly I'm wrong, they are everywhere.

Nothing and I do say nothing will make you loose faith in humanity more quickly than any call center job. The woarst of the human spieces is show off there in a runway show of never ending stupidity.

Never mind, I changed my wish, I wish they were only in my mind, as voices who call. I don't think they should be allowed onto the face of the world.

Re:

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Just tell them you're transferring them to your supervisor, then put your headset on a grapefruit and let them talk to it. You'll feel better and their problems will get listened to by someone who cares :)

[stitchedsutures.livejournal.com]

this statement of stupidity must be what the guys next door must believe, while they are busy trying to tell me how much i really want women, even though i never even hang out with them.. not that i ever accused them of competing with grapefruits.

I love the grapefruit part by the way. it made me smile a happy ear to ear smile. i guess i should feel happy that at least you don't think that i could be replaced by one of these citrus orbs.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Actually, I hear in Florida they're having a hard enough time finding work for the grapefruits as it is. (It's true. The NY Times the other day had a cover story talking about the financial losses Florida grapefruit growers have been experiencing the last two years.) Suffice to say, this will ensure you're job security for some time to come :)

[etan.livejournal.com]

That was one of the funniest posts ever.

As someone who works in customer service, it is very apparent to me that the world is full of stupid people...let's see, examples from today:

Me: "You have to use xxx-xxxx phone number to look up the information)"
Customer: "Ok. So what phone number do I need to look up the information?"

-or-

Customer: "I'd like to make a payment by phone."
Me: "I'm sorry, sir, we are not set up to take payment by phone, we can't do that."
Customer: "Oh, ok." *hangs up*
-10 minutes later, the same customer calls up and doesn't realise i'm the same rep-
Customer: "I'd like to make a payment by phone."
Me: "I'm sorry, sir, we are not set up to take payments by phone, we can't do that."
Customer: "I just talked to someone there who said I could!"

-or here's one i got jsut a minute ago-
Customer: "So what's the status of my loan?"
Me: "They're just finishing up the final paperwork, and one of our agents will be calling you within the next day or two."
Customer: "So you don't know what the status is?"
Me: "Sir, they're finishing up the final paperwork and they will be calling you in the next day or two."
Customer: "So, will they call me?"

I'm going to stop. These people crack me up.

You think you could ship some grapefruit this way? I could sure use an intelligent conversation.