How to blow $1.75: True tales from the cafeteria vending machine...

[uberreiniger]

There's an old joke which requires some familiarity with the porn industry's bizarre rennaissance in the late 70's/early 80's to appreciate: What's twelve inches long and full of worms? Answer: Big John Holmes's d*ck.

That about sums up what I just ate out of the vending machine. It's amazing what you think will taste good at 3:40 AM on a Tuesday.

It was something called a beef hotlink. "beef sausage, cheese and jalapenos wrapped in bagel dough and baked." Man, that wouldn't sound appetizing at a five-star restaurant. What the hell made me think it would taste good for a buck seventy five? Thankfully, the machine next to it had lifesavers. I'm sucking them down just as fast as I can just to keep the taste out of my mouth.

I'm pretty sure the cheese, jalapenos and bagel dough were real. BUt that sausage... man, I think I found Jimmy Hoffa.

Comments

[dayglowdave.livejournal.com]

and then some old man put his cock in it

Re:

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

[megiloth.livejournal.com]

I didn't know John Holmes had a duck?? Oh wait a minute...you meant...OHHHHHHH!!!!

Vending machine surprise. Gotta love that. I don't know which is worse though. Biting into a moldy Hostess Cake, or having to spend TWICE as much because those damn coil things didn't release the $2.00 frozen pizza.

MMMMUUMMBBBLLLGRRGGGGRRRATTTHH!!!!!

Tales from the vending machine crypt...

[noerru.livejournal.com]

Doesn't beat the sour, chunky milk I got out of the machine at the Technical College. I was thirsty, took a swig, had it about half swallowed and already my mouth full for the second gulp before I realized it and everything came to a full halt. My stomach said "Hell no!" and blocked the gates before it got that far, leaving my food tube with the only option it had remaining. Spew it back up. After much gagging, bitching, and pouring the remainder down the drain, I filled out a little paper to get my money back in the main office. ^_^ I remember that incident to this day.