Fucking kidneys!

If you love me, cook me fried chicken. If you hate me, fry me chicken thighs. Chicken thighs are revolting and gross me out. I just can't stand biting into something and finding a kidney. Or worse, biting into a fucking kidney. Kidneys store piss. They are not for eating. I don't care how deep-fried it is, nothing that has contained a chicken's lifetime worth of chicken piss is meant for human consumption! Or any other kind of piss for that matter.

When I was growing up we had a vicious outdoor cat who would attack and kill any animal smaller than itself. He would summarily leave these small mammals on the patio in front of the back door as a gift for the family. We never accepted them of course, but he never stopped trying. Usually after twenty-four hours he would give up and eat the kill himself. So in the morning we would usually find a smear of blood and a pair of disembodied rodent kidneys lying where the wee beastie had been. Seriously, he would eat them bones and all but leave the fucking kidneys! What does that tell you? That cat wasn't dumb but I refuse to let him be smarter than me. Morris the notoriously non-picky killing machine just refused to eat Mr. Field Mouse's twin piss tanks. Maybe we should all listen to what he's trying to tell us.

And I'm sure someone is probably going "But what about oral sex? You pee down there too!" And I'm sure you're not surprised to hear me say that's different. But it is. You can and should perform hygiene on your dong/cooter before cramming it down someone's throat, ensuring that they have a pleasant and piss-free experience. Kidneys DO NOTHING but store piss all day, every day. Don't tell me any amount of cleaning and cooking will get the smell out. Plus, when you're going down on someone you're generally stimulating only outer things. You're not getting the total urethra experience. If our kidneys were somehow exposed and erogenous I would have no problem with licking the outside of them to stimulate your partner. But I will not eat kidneys from a dead animal. That, sir, is where I draw the line.

Dreams 1/25 - Under the covers

Last night I dreamed that I was in a band with a bunch of guys I'd never seen before and we were filming a music video for our cover of Voivod's cover of Pink Floyd's song "Astronomy Domine." Here is the Voivod version in case you've never heard it and are interested:

Now, I couldn't have been more than twelve of thirteen when I first heard this song and it was an experience I liken to losing one's virginity: brief, scary, bewildering, but it left me with no doubt that I wanted to experience it again. This song opened the door to an entire universe of music for me so it makes sense that I would dream about it even if I haven't actually listened to it in a while.

Unlike the Voivod video which was shot in a warehouse, in my dream me and the bandmates were filming it in the backyard of the house next door to the house I grew up in. It was a rental property and we had a revolving door of neighbors over the years, but it had a really nice backyard, fenced in and surrounded by old trees so that it looked like it was wooded. In the video were to be walking through the woods singing the song while naked nymphs or succubi or something tried to lure us into their clutches; not to do sexual things but to like, kill us. I know there were to be shots of us playing our instruments but the dream didn't last long enough to actually film that. I'm not sure what instrument I even played in this band.

That was pretty much it: walking through a familiar childhood place, singing my favorite song from when I was 13, being shoved about by naked females. Regression to puberty, maybe? I've been wanting to make music very much lately. Could it have been a message not to give up on the goal inspired partly by that song and worked toward while looking at that house? My bedroom window where I would practice my guitar as a teen directly faced the neighbor's house and the little gate to their backyard. It sure seems like it could be the first hypothesis but considering where I'm at right now I think it might be the latter.