Jun. 17th, 2013

uberreiniger: (Default)
I have purchased several guitars in my lifetime and the vast majority of them have been bought via Ebay. I won't lie, I love shopping for music gear on Ebay. It's a thrill ride. If you've never compulsively Ebay shopped, you won't understand. Even when I am not actively looking to buy, I still enjoy just going and looking at the listings because I love to covet and admire things from afar. In my years of searching I have discovered that a secret language exists among online music gear sellers. Knowing how this coded language works can make your shopping experience far more enjoyable. With that in mind, I am passing the savings on to you and breaking down a few expressions and terms commonly seen in music gear listings and explaining what they really mean.

"Signature Model"
Definition - An affordable assembly line-crafted simulacrum of the one-of-a-kind handmade guitar played by a given rock star. Beware of sellers who try to fool the uninitiated into thinking it's an instrument said rock star once actually played.

Definition - Technically a rare and valuable instrument, no longer made. However, "Vintage" is more often used to justify the exorbitant asking price for an instrument that looks like it has been beaten, kicked, barfed on, pissed on, shat on, cummed on, and possibly thrown down a flight of fucking stairs.

"I hate to sell it but I just don't play it anymore."
Translation - My spouse is making me get rid of it.

"I hate to sell it but I need the money more."
Translation - I knocked a girl up and am now having to finance my own shotgun wedding.

"I hate to sell it but I have too many guitars already."
Translation - I am liquidating my assets so my ex can't come after them.

I hope this improves your shopping experience!


uberreiniger: (Default)

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