Uberreiniger Presents: Fun With The Law!

[uberreiniger]

That Robert Durst guy got away with it. The guy's a twisted freak, but you've got to hand it to anyone who admits to killing someone and chopping them up, then gets away with it. In case you don't know what I'm talking about and are sitting there going "that dude from Limp Bizkit did WHAAAT!?" Go here. http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=514&e=2&u=/ap/20031111/ap_on_re_us/fugitive_heir

This has inspired me to bring a new feature to this journal. Uberreiniger Presents: Fun With The Law! Today we will be tackling one of the funnest portions of constitutional law I know of: The double jeopardy clause!

DOUBLE JEOPARDY: The thing which makes it so that you cannot be tried more than once for the same crime.

Sound boring? Guess again! On a rainy day, make some kool-aid pops in the freezer and try the following fun activity.

1) Save up some money. You'll need it for Step 3. Trust me.

2) Kill someone. Preferably someone dangerous or violent or who molests children. This may sound like a lot more work, but it can potentially help out in Step 4.

3) Hire a really good defense attorney. I hear the guy who defended Robert Dursts's schedule just opened up...

4) Be found not guilty in the ensuing trial. While it's general consensus that any way you can manage to win your trial you should probably do, I recommend a strategy that will prove you were nowhere near the scene at the time of the murder, had never met the deceased, and had absolutely no motive. It will make Step 5 funnier.

5) Immediately following reading of Not Guilty verdict, go outside courthouse to talk to waiting reporters. When asked how you feel, look straight at the TV camera and say "Well, now that I've been found innocent and thanks to double jeopardy, cannot be tried for it again, I'd just like to say from the bottom of my heart how glad I am I killed the sonofabitch!"

Ta-Da! You have now just had fun with double jeopardy! Wasn't that a hoot? And the best part is, there's not a damn thing anybody can do about it. Sure, you may still have that pesky civil trial to deal with, but it will be worth it for the looks on all their faces. Especially your defense attorney's!

DISCLAINER: Have fun kiddies, but please don't actually kill someone because I told you to. I would then be associated with gangsta rappers and would be very embarassed.

Comments

Why I won't be a defense attorney

[nolens-volens.livejournal.com]

What kills me is that the jury was apparently so hung up on finding a motive - forget that some people are crazy as a flock of loons - that they didn't look at the whole crime. They neglected to take into account the fact that Durst cut the guy up, cleaned up the apartment, threw his body parts into the bay, and then came back for the guy's head. Then again, the jury could have been limited by the judge's instruction, which could lead to an appeal of the decision.

It's insane that he walked, but the sad thing is that it happens all too often. I could cite some cases to you that would really get your blood boiling.

Re: Why I won't be a defense attorney

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I'm quite a fan of criminal law so I've probably encountered at least in passing many of the cases you'd cite. Yeah, one really has to wonder if the jury was getting the whole story or even bothering to look at it once they had. The man's prior and subsequent behaviour to and from the murder indicate the workings of a socially dysfunctional, yet highly intelligent mind, proving to me beyond a reasonable doubt that the man was capable of murder. As for no motive, well, I'm sorry. But you don't dismember a body in a panic. And anybody determined enough to dismember a body probably has a motive.

Oh well, at least some good has come out of this trial. At least now I know there are at least twelve people in the world who I'm smarter than.

[skynock.livejournal.com]

So, I guess if I accidently kill someone who was supposedly a friend who was in my house and hack up their body I should be ok then?

Ahhhh, justice

[nolens-volens.livejournal.com]

If you had the same jury that Durst did. I was amazed listening to some of the jurors speak after the verdict was announced. Most of them didn't take Durst's testimony into account at all - so his amazing story that didn't make sense was ignored. They also were so focused on finding a motive that all of Durst's actions after the murder were ignored as well. So basically, the jury awarded a not guilty verdict based on a very short range of time, ignoring the complete picture and the words of the accused himself.

Another issue that the jury brought up was that the Prosecution changed their possible scenario at the end of the trial - if so, that was a stupid decision on the Prosecution's side.

So, you can feel free to kill your friend as long as you have no motive and get a retarded jury that doesn't understand their charge. And if you get lucky enough to be up against a stubborn (if they weren't so bent on getting the murder charge, they probably would have been successful on a lesser charge where "reasonable doubt" isn't such a factor) and apparently not-so-smart Prosecution team, it will be easy as pie.

Sad, but sometimes true.

Re: Ahhhh, justice

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

CONVERSATION OF THE DAY: (Taken from Fox News Channel's The O'Reilly Factor.)

BILL O'REILLY: Would you trust this guy Durst to eat dinner with your children unsupervised?

DURST'S LAWYER: Well, I don't have any children but I'd trust the love of my life my dog to be walked by him unsupervised!

They have said time and time again that this trial was taking place in Texas. It wasn't until I heard this statement that I truly appreciated exactly what that meant.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Be sure to be in drag and in the act of shoplifting a sandwich when you're arrested. It will play on the jury's sympathies.

[stitchedsutures.livejournal.com]

i would so love to do this. i can even try and make a psychology/sociology experiment out of it or something that i can later write a book about, thus earning me even more money for my crime...

or would that be wrong?

btw.. how are things? you've for some reason been a reocurring person in some of my recent dreams.... hmm...subliminal cries for help methinks.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Well, the only cries for help I've been issuing recently is for more of a social life and to find a signifcant other, so maybe those are the vibes you're getting :) Other than that, I'm actually quite fulfilled. Nearly all my waking hours at home are spent in either writing or musical endeavors. Are these your usual dreams of apocalyptic zombie attacks? I don't become a zombie do I?