Loss. Lots of loss.

[uberreiniger]

I have a lot to be happy for today. I got to spend the day with my wife. We went and saw Brave, which is a wonderful movie, and I successfully replaced the high E string on my guitar. I got some freelance work done and landed another contract.

But it's hard to be happy because several friends have recently lost someone they loved. Today a friend lost someone. In the last few weeks I've seen other friends here on LJ lose people as well. In each case it has been relatively sudden. They had weeks, or maybe days to get ready, which is more than a lot of us get. But it still left them reeling. They're all hurting bad and there isn't anything I can do. I hate that feeling. They know who they are so I won't name names but I just wish there was so much more I could do. What happened to all of you wasn't fair and it wasn't right. If I could I'd make it right for all of you again, somehow.

Naturally today is the day that the guy from the previous post realized I was actually serious in ending the friendship, quit trying to WIN(!) the argument, and got all emotional about it. He's genuinely upset now, I feel bad that I hurt him, and in turn feel angry for feeling bad about it. I am standing firm though, being careful to be honest but not vindictive; carefully avoiding apologies. I shouldn't have to be sorry. I really can't keep making excuses for putting up with his constant posts that go against my morality. Just these past few days not seeing him on my feed constantly has improved my stress level dramatically.

But then I think of the people struggling with loss, who didn't get to properly say goodbye or at least not the goodbye they wanted, and I realize that life is too damn short for this shit and I don't know what to do.

I never got around to blogging about it here but my 17 year-old cat who was very dear to me died two weeks ago. I guess that's still affecting me more than I realized, making me view all this loss in a different light. I know it's just a pet, but 17 years is a long time to have any living thing in your life and even though he was more my parents' cat the last few years than mine I still find myself thinking about him at the oddest times and getting choked up.

I hadn't meant for this to turn into a dreary post but it has. I think it's better if I just stop. Go see Brave. It's a good film for taking your mind off everything horrible in the world, if only for a little while.

Comments

[zombiepuppet.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about your cat. My cats are my world- one of them in particular is like my feline soul mate, and it would absolutely destroy me to lose her.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you understand. My family had Nubby with us for half of my life. He wasn't a soul mate but he was a stable thing in my life and now he's gone.

[cygny.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. But just so you know, the fact that you care about the people who have lost someone, will mean a lot to them. I recently came across the card you sent me when my father died and got all teary-eyed again when reading it. I can't say how much receiving that meant to me though, so I'm sure your words and thoughts will mean so much to those people as well. You're a wonderful friend. *hugs*

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Cygny. I am glad I was able to be there for you during that time. And congratulations again on nursing school. I am so sorry I lost track of you doing that!

[cygny.livejournal.com]

Thank you and no problem. I didn't post all that much about it, one real post here on LJ and very little on FB too. But yeah, excited about it but also somewhat scared, between all the 18 year olds :-) I guess it'll be ok once I get started. It'll be hard to combine with my family and kids but Tom and Alby are fully behind me on this and Roeland, well, he'll be his usual self I would imagine :P

[adele87.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

If you are anything like I am about your cat as I would be about my dog you would need a lot of therapy or at least someone to talk to about it. That sucks. I'm sorry.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

He was more my mom's cat than mine at this point since he's always lived with my parents whereas I've been in and out of the house throughout the years. But that just made him part of the family I came home to. A piece of my world that has "always been there" so to speak is gone and it's a strange way to feel.

[flame-song.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about all those losses...yeah, sometimes they seem to be coming all at once, as if heaven was recruiting...^^

Also sorry to hear about xour cat...17 years is a long time to get used to one another...

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

If heaven is then it got some really good ones in this batch.

Yeah, it is a long time. Nearly half my life.

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

I am sorry to hear about your cat. We get a lot of love and comfort from animals so of course it hurts when they are gone.

And I still really appreciate your kindness toward me. You are a very compassionate person.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I just try and take care of the people I love. If I were a millionaire I'd buy a personal jet and fly around the country making it my full time job.

[gothicbeauty21.livejournal.com]

My heart goes out to you. You really are a great friend, and I always appreciate your words of compassion.

I'll be moving with two 14 year old cats, and I'm so afraid they wont' handle the move well. The others are all much younger (well, under 10( are are mentally healthier than my two old ladies. Physically they're two of the healthiest animals I've ever seen, but their minds aren't quite right. I don't want to go ahead and cross them over now, because they're still so full of vitality, but if this breaks their brains further than they're already broken, I'll probably have to. I can't handle two more crazy animals on top of everything else. And it breaks my heart to even think of it.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I hope they make the move in good health. Cats get so stressed out during moves. I've only ever moved mine around Kansas City and they have nervous breakdowns in the car every time. But then once they're in their new environment they're fine. They're terrible in the short term, resilient in the long term.

[ravenbrenna.livejournal.com]

Easier said than done, but don't feel bad (not too bad anyway). If he was obviously affecting you that negatively then it was the right thing to do.

I'm sorry to hear about your cat! It's always hard losing a pet, and I've never had a pet quite that long. They really do touch a special place in your heart!

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I suppose it was the right thing to do. I just need to toughen up and not let people make me feel like a heel when I do what's right for me instead of for them.

Nubby was the pet I've had for the longest. Half my life in fact. When I think about that it makes me sad all over again.

[ravenbrenna.livejournal.com]

It's hard to do when you're a nice person. I'm always way too concerned with how people will feel about what I want to do instead of doing what's right for me. So I totally understand.

:( When my first cat ever (the one that was MINE and not the whole families) I would cry myself to sleep for weeks. And I eventually ended up getting a stuffed beanie baby panther (cause she was an all black cat) and putting her collar on it. It's still there...totally healthy right? It's crazy how much these little creatures can get into our hearts.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I would totally buy a stuffed toy kitty and put the collar on it. Perfectly healthy if you ask me.

[ravenbrenna.livejournal.com]

It helped me a lot. Now I just <3 it

[xwitchymagicx.livejournal.com]

Personally, I see animals as family, I am still sad over all the animals who've passed away over the years.

I don't really see it as losing people, as I feel we'll see them again in the future, this helps me not get too distraught.

Personally, I find it is better to surround yourself with people who sort of "fit" who you are...different people "fit" different types of people. It can take a while to determine who is "right" for you mentally.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

My friend and I had a lot of good years as friends, a lot of great memories. He uses his Facebook purely for political posting and it's let me see a whole side of him I was never aware of and can't reconcile. I care about the guy but I can't do this anymore.

You are right. We will see the ones we love again. It just feels like forever when we first lose them and sometimes that feeling never goes away.

[lucretiasheart.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you lost a beloved feline friend. That's always hard. My pets are always like family, and when Luna went a few years ago-- well, sometimes I still miss her. She was 16 and such a huge part of my adult life.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

<3

[megiloth.livejournal.com]

Wow! 17 years huh? I have no idea aboot how long cats generally live but I am assuming that is a nice full life.

In my case Booger is around 14 years old, and Bob will be 11 in September. I've still got a few more good years with them and I cherish those. Pets just really make life a little easier if you've had a bad day because they just don't care, they just want to be around you and love you...and get treats and a belly rub :) Pets truly have an unconditional love and that's the best thing ever.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

The outside lifespan for most types of cat is 20 years. Siamese can live as long as 25. Apparently it's really rare for mixed-breed alley cats to live that long though, and the vet was really impressed when we told him how old Nubby was. He lived the longest of any cat I've ever had. Pretty much all of our others have passed away between ages 8-11. The two Mel and I got from Lesley are 6 years old now and they're already the last of their litter. They seem really healthy but it makes me nervous at the same time.

I can't imagine you without Bob and Booger. They're a couple of really good doggies.

On a different note, there's another shit ton of concerts heading our way that you might be interested in:

September 3 Korpiklaani/Moonsorrow/Tyr (Granada)

September 13th Devon Townsend/Katatonia/Paradise Lost (Granada)

September 16th Kreator/Accept (Beaumont)

November 10th Skeletonwitch/Havok (Granada)

Last but not least, I saw this on Facebook and thought of you:
(http://imgur.com/pP7Yd)