30 Days of Music Meme - Day 7

[uberreiniger]

A song that reminds me of a particular event.

The song is Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again."

The memory is pretty dark. Travis was the bully who tormented me day in and day out for four years from 4th grade till 8th grade. He was also the most popular kid in school, which meant he always had an audience of 12-20 people cheering him on when he did so. Even people who treated me like a friend when he wasn't around, they joined in. At the very best, they stood by and did nothing. There are bullies and then there are bullies, and I can't accurately describe him other than to say that he was on his way to becoming a very nasty, manipulative, and possibly very dangerous man.

One morning when I was in 8th grade Travis was in a car accident. He broke his neck and died instantly. I remember the night of the viewing at the funeral home. Everyone from school was weeping, wailing, and crying. I couldn't cry, not then. I just stood over his open casket, looking at him lying there. I could never defeat him, never get away from him, never stop him, and yet now he was dead and I was alive.

As I stood there it was then that I noticed there was music playing softly in the funeral home. The song playing at that moment was the one posted here. It seemed completely inappropriate to the situation. I can only assume it was a song that he liked.

I can't imagine there are many people who have a song they associate with the memory of standing over the dead body of a person they hate. But I do.

Comments

[shadowfell.livejournal.com]

Wow. What a memory.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Worse still is the memory that at the time I was glad he was dead. It's horrible to feel glad that someone's dead. And the fact that I ever was is something I still struggle with to this day. I do feel like the world is a better place without him in it and I wish I didn't feel that way even if it is the truth.

wrong to feel horrible

[lucretiasheart.livejournal.com]

Why should YOU feel guilty? That makes zero sense! Our society right now is all about forgiveness of evil by victims and it's nonsense. You're allowed to be grateful, relieved-- hell, even JOYOUS at his death if that's how you feel. What would be wrong would be to shove that at his bereaved loved ones at the time of his passing. However, your private feelings aren't wrong.

It's not your fault he's dead. And he bullied you. It would be insane NOT to be glad the torments were over and your tormentor permanently removed from existence. Why should you bully yourself over this? Hmmmm? 8^u

Re: wrong to feel horrible

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I came to terms with my feelings long ago when I realized that if he's in Heaven, then that means he's sorry for what he did to me. And if he's in hell... then he's still sorry for what he did to me.

Re: wrong to feel horrible

[lucretiasheart.livejournal.com]

That seems like a healthy way to look at it! =^)

[lucretiasheart.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's a powerful memory...

Yeah, when a horrible person dies and everyone cries and moans over it-- I'm always disgusted.

I'll say what few other would dare to: I'm glad he's dead. Who knows what kind of horrors he would have visited upon future children, girlfriends, employees, etc. had he lived?

Yeah, I'm not forgiving of bullies in general.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

I try not to think in terms of being glad he's dead anymore. I think of it in terms of being glad that he was stopped. Because yes, he would have caused far worse damage to someone else down the line - maybe even to a lot of someones - then he ever caused me.

[lucretiasheart.livejournal.com]

That works too.