Counting the moments
Jul. 23rd, 2003 04:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
uberreinigerCome on Wednesday noon, get here, get here... But then I tell myself I shouldn't wish for moments to go by faster because each moment that goes by is one you can never have back again. And I've wasted enough moments in my life. Just because I'd rather be somewhere else doesn't mean I can't make where I am right now worth while, right?
Went to Lesley's tonight as was the plan. Nothing really special, just a nice, quiet time. I got all melancholy after I left 'cause I'm gonna be away and not able to see her, and not wanting to leave her, and wanting to go back and hug her one last time, and all the other stuff I hear from people with significant others that generally makes them unbearable when they have to be seperated from their significant other for periods greater than two hours. All in all, it leaves me no choice but to look at things and say that I guess I still love her. Which is odd... me knowing we'll never be together and eager to meet new people and start a new dating relationship, yet still being in love with someone I can't have. Maybe it's just habit, having loved her for so long that it's just what I know and do without thinking. But if love could become a "habit" like that, the world would be a better place, wouldn't it? People wouldn't have to try and "save" relationships or "improve" them, they'd just do it because it's habit to put effort into that relationship. So much for the habit theory, then. My feelings for her don't feel destructive or like they're holding me back (except maybe in the sense of some of the unresolved issues we have from the past,) but I just wonder why they persist, and why they feel as comfortable and lived-in as a big old easy chair you've fallen asleep in on many a night while reading a favorite book.
Maybe it's a problem not so much of being unable to let go of her as not having met someone yet who inspires that kind of feeling on the same level. Maybe I'm holding those feelings like a glass slipper for whatever Cinderella who comes along that can fit them. Maybe it's a self-delusion and I should be looking for someone who inspires an entirely new and different set of feelings instead of ones as similar to past feelings as possible. Who knows. I honestly hadn't planned to carry on about this in this post. All I know is I'm hoping to meet some geeky chix at Gen Con and maybe make some new friends. Trouble is, virtually EVERY guy who goes to Gen Con is trying to meet those chicks. Oh well, competition makes you better at what you do, right?
Qusay and Uday Hussein are dead. We're losing almost one soldier every day in the streets of Iraq. Liberia which has never, ever mattered to our nation before all of a sudden matters now for reasons no one will explain. And our forces become thinner and thinner spread every day while governments like North Korea only sit and watch and laugh. Maybe now isn't the time in this world to be doing things like falling in love and taking vacations.
All the more reason to do them anyway.
Went to Lesley's tonight as was the plan. Nothing really special, just a nice, quiet time. I got all melancholy after I left 'cause I'm gonna be away and not able to see her, and not wanting to leave her, and wanting to go back and hug her one last time, and all the other stuff I hear from people with significant others that generally makes them unbearable when they have to be seperated from their significant other for periods greater than two hours. All in all, it leaves me no choice but to look at things and say that I guess I still love her. Which is odd... me knowing we'll never be together and eager to meet new people and start a new dating relationship, yet still being in love with someone I can't have. Maybe it's just habit, having loved her for so long that it's just what I know and do without thinking. But if love could become a "habit" like that, the world would be a better place, wouldn't it? People wouldn't have to try and "save" relationships or "improve" them, they'd just do it because it's habit to put effort into that relationship. So much for the habit theory, then. My feelings for her don't feel destructive or like they're holding me back (except maybe in the sense of some of the unresolved issues we have from the past,) but I just wonder why they persist, and why they feel as comfortable and lived-in as a big old easy chair you've fallen asleep in on many a night while reading a favorite book.
Maybe it's a problem not so much of being unable to let go of her as not having met someone yet who inspires that kind of feeling on the same level. Maybe I'm holding those feelings like a glass slipper for whatever Cinderella who comes along that can fit them. Maybe it's a self-delusion and I should be looking for someone who inspires an entirely new and different set of feelings instead of ones as similar to past feelings as possible. Who knows. I honestly hadn't planned to carry on about this in this post. All I know is I'm hoping to meet some geeky chix at Gen Con and maybe make some new friends. Trouble is, virtually EVERY guy who goes to Gen Con is trying to meet those chicks. Oh well, competition makes you better at what you do, right?
Qusay and Uday Hussein are dead. We're losing almost one soldier every day in the streets of Iraq. Liberia which has never, ever mattered to our nation before all of a sudden matters now for reasons no one will explain. And our forces become thinner and thinner spread every day while governments like North Korea only sit and watch and laugh. Maybe now isn't the time in this world to be doing things like falling in love and taking vacations.
All the more reason to do them anyway.
