There's nothing like a white man with guilt

[uberreiniger]

Went and saw The Grudge this evening. After weeks of hearing nothing but how people hate this movie, I was expecting to he utterly disappointed. After being very pleased by the film, I can only conclude that the people who say this are utterly stupid, so now, I'm gonna T-bag them!

The recent rise in popularity of Asian horror movies in the United States has given rise to an annoying new breed of movie fan: the Asian horror snob. You know the ones. And if you don't, just make a post to a horror community or message board containing the sentence "I liked The Ring." You will receive at least ten replies saying how dumb you are and that you need to see Ringu. It's now the same thing with The Grudge. Everybody's pissed simply because it's not the original, never mind being directed by the same director and containing two of the same actors reprising their roles from the original and following the story from the original quite faithfully. Well, to you Asian horror snobs, I T-bag you. I rub the nutsack of my cinematic sensibilities in your eyes, praying that their wire-like pubic hairs will scratch the retinas of your pretentiousness!

I love all these people who, every time a remake of a film comes out, start acting like you're defiling holy ground if you say that you like it. It makes me want to do a remake of some film that all people every agree is truly awful, like Ishtar or the English-overdubbed Schawrzenegger sub-classic Hercules In New York. I would make the films actually good, unlike the originals, then see how many beetles would crawl out of the woodwork saying that it "did not live up to the original." Or worse, how many would suddenly act like they were closet fans, saying that my remakes were not as "deliciously awful" as their predecessors. And when they say these things, I will T-bag them too! Right in the eyes! Repeat ad nauseum!

The only think really bad about the movie was the stupid-ass ghetto mamma who brought her screaming baby, the jabbering Mexican couble directly behind us, and the trio of loud, obnoxious jocks over my left shoulder who kept kicking the seats and laughing at everything. After this and the bad experience watching The Village I think I'm just gonna start going to a different movie theatre.

Comments

[darkemoone.livejournal.com]

I can definitely respect remakes if they're done well, but I do believe that sometimes, you just can't beat the original. But that's just me.

Personally, I was a huge fan of "The Ring," but I thought "Ringu" was far better. I don't feel that way because I'm a horror movie snob (that's act_3's job), but because it has rewatchability.

I have not seen "The Grudge" yet, but I have every intention of seeing it. From what I hear, it commits a seriously heinous crime as far as the actual concept of the movie goes, but that is no fault of the director's. From what I'm told, everything that was wrong with the movie was pretty much the fault of the screen writer. Aside from it also pretty much being "Ju-On's Greatest Hits" and having about two movies' worth of kills, effectively screwing the pace. That said, I still hell of want to see it.

As an Asian horror snob...

[act-3.livejournal.com]

...I've found that there's a pretty even split between people who liked The Ring and people who liked good ol' fashioned Ring. Myself? I prefer the Japanese one, but that's a debate for another time. But the American one is good, too, and it proudly claims a place on my DVD rack.

The reason I resent The Grudge - even though it's still a decent movie - is because it basically shits all over the source material, and this is entirely the screenwriter's fault. Additionally, it shamelessly co-opts Ring at the end and borders on out-and-out plagiarism.

My central beef with it is that once you've seen it - after the screenwriter's completely mangled the original story together by slamming Ju-on and Ju-on: The Grudge together into one half-baked script - he gets rid of the chapter headings and makes the sonuvabitch incoherent. The movie plays like Ju-on's Greatest Hits.

And that wouldn't even be that bad, either. Those're some Goddamn sweet kills.

What makes it bad is that it completely spoils the movies that came before it. It ruins them. There isn't a whole lot of reason to see the original films because you've already seen their kills in the remake, except the kills are better. But the plot's been annihilated. I had to explain to my sister over the phone what happened in the original films.

Beyond that, however, if you did enjoy the film I do encourage you to seek out the original four. You can pick them up in one package on eBay for as little as $40 and I'm pleased to report that the remake completely eschews the really good stuff in Ju-on 2 and Ju-on: The Grudge 2.

I was just kind of ticked at this remake because the screenwriter did his best to fuck it up as much as possible.

That and Sarah Michelle Gellar looks like a cockerspaniel.

[act-3.livejournal.com]

God damn it, I posted my response and then I saw this.

My response even has the subject "As an Asian horror snob."

Jesus, I suck.

Haw.

[darkemoone.livejournal.com]

Pwned.

Re: As an Asian horror snob...

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Dude, what movie were you watching? We're talking about The Grudge, right? I have seen Ju-on and from what I could tell, it followed the plot very closely. And I didn't catch the Ring resemblance at all, maybe because most Asian horror movies resemble the Ring in some way. It's the look of the genre. But if you're only watching it for the kills, which seems to be your central focus, then it probably will disappoint because I do think the original gave some of those kills a meatier edge. Maybe because I happened to see that version first. *shrug*

And Sarah Michelle Gellar does not look like a cocker spaniel. Don't make me t-bag you!

Re: As an Asian horror snob...

[act-3.livejournal.com]

It does follow the plot from Ju-on and Ju-on: The Grudge very closely (it is absolutely crucial to make the distinction between the original films). But it meshes them together in an uncomfortable way and I know a lot of people who were just "WTF" from the movie, just confused as all hell. It suffers the same problem Ju-on: The Grudge does...it's all well and good visually, but it really needs that foundation that the previous films built. Because this one doesn't actually have previous films, it's sort of floating. So while you and I understood it, a lot of people were completely lost.


*SPOILER ALERT FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN THE GRUDGE OR RING*

The eye shot at the end of The Grudge duplicates Ring's money shot almost exactly, and the poster for it - which has said shot - duplicates the international cover for Ring.

It isn't the look of the genre, it's an out and out bullshit copy. The creepy long-haired ghost in a white dress - that's the genre - but the eye shot is pure Ring and The Grudge ripped that the hell off.

I watched the movie hoping for plot and came away disappointed. And Sarah Michelle Cocker Spaniel should've died at the end of the movie. Conclusively. But she didn't, and they're talking about bringing her back for a sequel and that...is fucked up. No one is supposed to survive the grudge.

*END SPOILERS*


I saw all four original films before I saw this one. I felt the plot flowed better in them. I think the screenwriter really let this one down and fucked the pacing by killing so many people and eschewing the chapter headings.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Those three loud guys behind us. One of him had his foot on the seat beside me and was shaking it hard enough that I was feeling the vibrations. Those guys were just stupid. They were actually ticking me off far more than the baby, although the baby was pretty extreme.

Re: As an Asian horror snob...

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

The chapter headings were cool, but wouldn't have worked for the way this story was told. And where are you getting four movies. I have only ever heard of two. I've seen the first one but couldn't see the second one because it was a bootleg copy and wouldn't work on the player. Is it one of those things like the Ring series where sequels were made that weren't "official?"

And the eye on the international poster for the Ring, that was the horse. This was a person. And a movie poster with a person's eye on it isn't exactly an original concept to begin with.

Re: As an Asian horror snob...

[act-3.livejournal.com]

Ju-on, Ju-on 2, Ju-on: The Grudge, Ju-on: The Grudge 2 (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=617&item=6339025041&rd=1)

Ring (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=617&item=6340610828&rd=1)

That last one is actually all four Ring films and all totally worth seeing.

The Ju-on films aren't like that, though - there's no "unofficial" sequels. It's two direct-to-video movies that spawned two cinematic movies.

Re: As an Asian horror snob...

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Okay then, the first video one is what I have seen. I am now tempted to bid on this...

One good thing that comes out of watching Juon movies...

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

...and not that any of you care, but I have discovered I can mimic the ghosts' croaking noise perfectly >:)

Re: As an Asian horror snob...

[act-3.livejournal.com]

These DVDs are all worth owning.

I know this because I own them. :)

You'd want to buy the Ring films separately, though. The common versions of Ring 0 and Spiral are fine, but for the original Ring you'd want to buy Region 1, and for Ring 2 you'd want this one (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=617&item=6340594124&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW). It's expensive because it's rare as a sonuvabitch, but it has legible subtitles and high quality video. The average version has white subtitles, and white on white is Goddamn unreadable.

Re: One good thing that comes out of watching Juon movies...

[act-3.livejournal.com]

Kim and I do that to each other in class with great frequency.

Did you know the croaking is director Takashi Shimizu?

Re: One good thing that comes out of watching Juon movies...

[darkemoone.livejournal.com]

That is sooo much fun to do.

I like them all.

[darkemoone.livejournal.com]

All of the "Ju-On" films are awesome. Personal favourite is "Ju-On: The Grudge 2," but I did like them all. "Ju-On and Ju-On 2" had seom &really* fucked up scenes where act_3 and the rest of our viewing group was just sitting there going, "OH MY GOD! I can't believe they just did that!"

[mr-dark.livejournal.com]

I'd say that Ring and Ringu are a completely different scenario from Ju-On and The Grudge. I haven't seen Grudge yet, but I'm pretty familiar with what changes they made, and it's really the same movie done in a slightly different and more western way.

Ring and Ringu? I saw the American version first, several months before it even got released, at a preview screening. I saw it for free and wanted my money back. That thing had plot holes big enough to drive a truck through! My GOD that movie made me angry! Once I saw Ringu, I understood why: because Ringu, like so many Japanese films, doesn't really bother much with exposition or resolution. It's a slice of emotional impact, with just enough explanation to keep the audience invested. If there is absolutely zero resolution at the end, oh well.

With Ring...they tried to spackle in all those unresolved and unexplained issues and just did a really fucking piss poor job of it. Rather than making a cohesive story out of a relatively surreal one, they had a relatively creepy and surreal story with a bunch of idiotic actions and reactions by characters, not to mention some really pathetic logic on the part of the writers.

Anyway. The point (yes, I have one) is that Ring/Ringu is an exception here. The arguments that many (including myself) have in defense of the original really don't have much to do with the fact that it's Asian, or that it's the original...but rather that, despite selling a shitload of tickets, the damn thing was just really fucking stupid. (85 minutes in and the little shit says 'oh yeah, by the way, that chick is incredibly evil and wants us all dead...sorry, forgot to mention that, my bad'...GAH!)

Now, there are other cases where an American remake is just unnecessary (if they actually remake The Eye, it's going to be the height of stupidity...you just can't improve on that fucker) but for the most part, hey, give a great story a better budget and better effects and you have my $8.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

What plot holes are there in The Ring? I was confused by some of it at first, but as I thought about it, it all came to make perfect sense.

My fear about The Eye is that the movie is so strongly interwoven with Buddhist philosophy that familiarizing it to Western eyes is going to take a LOT of work. For a while I couldn't understand things like why the suicide victims' parents took it for granted that their boy was haunting the apartment, or the strange woman in the restaurant who nonchalantly talked about seeing the ghosts too. Then it dawned on me, 'Wait, these people are Buddhist, so belief in spirits and ancestors is part of day-to-day life for them.'

Personally, I'd feel better if the remake just leaves the spirituallity out of it altogether rather than try to Westernize it and do a flimsy job. If they replace the monk exoricist with some arm-waving Max Von Sydow wannabe in a Catholic priest outfit, I'm walking out.

[rustie25.livejournal.com]

When I saw "The Ring" we had 3 teenage girls sitting next to us who had evidently seen the movie a couple times already. They spent the first 10-15 minutes saying things like "dont answer the phone!" and repeating lines and going "oh my god I am so scared!" and being annoying teenage girls. The person I was with finally turned to them and said "would you please shut the fuck up?"
They did.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Bravo for you!

[stitchedsutures.livejournal.com]

Are you going to the theater by Bannister Mall? that would explain a lot of the loud ghetto babies.

Seed of Chucky was also FLOCKED with said loud ghetto mamas with their babies in tow. We were not aware that there was such a rampant interest in Chucky with the inner city crowd. Was Redman a factor?
But at least no one's cell phone went off during the movie for a change.

LOL

[adonijah74.livejournal.com]

"Are you going to the theater by Bannister Mall?"

No, that's been closed down for a few years now. But you're right...it was a HAVEN for loud and obnoxious, "Hey, let's TALK through the whole movie, talk TO the movie, and generally make a public nuisance of ourselves so that everyone who paid heard-earned money to actually WATCH the movie, can feel like they wasted $8 (not including food) and 2 hours of their life" types of people.

As you can tell, I have ZERO tolerance for this. I think if you wanna yap for about two hours and make a jerk out of your self, why don't you go to a club or something and "make some noise", eh?

Otherwise, SHUT UP, get your feet off my chair, and WATCH the freakin' movie!!!

Or leave.

Sorry, I experienced a little bit of this myself recently, but because they were kids, we (my wife and I) couldn't just turn around and verbally assault them, my wife did turn around at one point though and said firmly, "Would you please stop kicking my chair?"

I think they only did it a couple more times, so we did get to enjoy the movie.

Sometimes, people suck.

[mr-dark.livejournal.com]

Mainly the one I referred to in my first comment. The kid spends the whole damn movie telling his mom about this girl in ways that sound completely sympathetic, then only at the very end is he all 'you weren't supposed to help her!' Oh, gee junior, thanks for bringing that up in such a timely manner.

Here's a link to my original review, that details most of my gripes:

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=13019

The best way to sum up is that the movie intentionally behaves as if the lead character is cursed...when she isn't. As soon as her kid or her boyfriend view the tape (and they BOTH do) then she's free of the curse, according to the 'rule' set out in the end. Yet, the whole body of the film directly leads you to believe that she just wants to be 'set free' from the well, all the way down to what happens when Naomi Watts is in the well with her body. Of course, having seen the whole thing, we know none of that has a -thing- to do with the story, AT ALL. It's been a deliberate waste of time, the whole race to the end, all of it. Watts was free from the curse before the 30 minute mark. UGH.

As for The Eye, agreed on all counts.

[tempest-azure.livejournal.com]

t-bag..

you are one weird little man.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Personally, I liked the whole bait and switch of the plot. I thought it was pure genius. As for the boy's lack of full disclosure, it didn't bother me. I guess I just interpreted it differently.

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Nope. Independence Center. Now does it make sense? :)

Re: LOL

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

Yeah, normally I make my displeasure known VERY quickly. The only reason I didn't this time was that the three loud guys looked like they thought they were pretty hot shit and all weighed about 280 pounds. I'm not a coward, just not stupid.

Da Movie

[drinkalizer.livejournal.com]

Huh, huh...you said T-bag! :)

Re: Da Movie

[uberreiniger.livejournal.com]

http://www.bainst.com/madness/voldo.html

Follow the link to one of the mirror sites to get to the video. Towards the end of the video, one of the Voldos starts t-bagging the other one! I'm serious!