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Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In June I put gum in mr_dark's hair (-12 points). In March I bought porn for blkhmster (-10 points). Last Tuesday I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points). In August I gave cygny a Dutch Oven (-10 points). Last Friday I stole massa_jean's purse (-30 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-43 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, uberreiniger

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First of all, what the fuck? cygny lives in Belgium! Holland is like, right there! She needed an oven. I figured while I was in Amsterdam I'd stop by an appliance store, buy her a new oven, and bring it to her. It was only a few kilometers out of the way. Why is that wrong? Yeah, I could've just as easily bought one in Belgium and supported their economy, but I didn't think I was doing any harm. C'mon, Santa. Why you wanna play a brotha like that?

And that porn I supposedly bought for blkhmster? That wasn't me. It was purchased by a libidinous panda using my credit card which he stole from me. blkhmster will back me up on this. This panda is a threat to society. I know for a fact that he likes to have his way with blind girls while they sleep and when they wake up, he tells them it's the Lord trying to return their sight, but because they cried, now He won't do it. He also pays desperate illegal immigrants to defecate in front of him while he touches himself. Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you, why isn't Santa trying to apprehend this miscreant instead of harassing me? massa_jean's purse? Also the panda. Massa, I'd cancel all my credit cards if I were you. Unless you want to spend your Christmas season trying to get thousands of dollars in charges to anal fisting websites removed.

I'll totally cop to mr_dark's hair, though. That was totally me.

As if anybody's going to want to get me anything after that last post...

( Chrismas present meme )

I could actually see most of the people on here getting me something along these lines. I would especially look forward to a cd from metal_empress because it would undoubtedly be metal and I always need more of that. And by the way, elvinborn when it says "something useful" I think it means "something useful" to me, not "something useful" to you so no horny naked men! I do not want to find horny naked men under my Christmas tree!