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Today's Candy You Should Not Eat is:
Sweet Tarts Chews
What it looks like: I opened it expecting cute and easily digestible Starburst-like squares. What I got was a pink rubbery lump that looked nothing so much like a very large excised clitoris. Ew.
What it tastes like: Deprieved of the tantalizing, chalky hard candy texture we've come to know and love from Sweet Tarts, the classic Sweet Tarts flavor was revealed for what it truly is: a taste not unlike the aroma that wafts perpetually from the air fresheners found in the urinals of men's public restrooms.
So to sum up, it's a big, chewy pink clit that tastes like urinal mints smell. I put it in my mouth so you don't have to kids, if I found out that my sacrifice was in vain and you have eaten them anyway, I will be very disappointed. Then I will come to your house and hit you with heavy things which are not soft.
Sweet Tarts Chews
What it looks like: I opened it expecting cute and easily digestible Starburst-like squares. What I got was a pink rubbery lump that looked nothing so much like a very large excised clitoris. Ew.
What it tastes like: Deprieved of the tantalizing, chalky hard candy texture we've come to know and love from Sweet Tarts, the classic Sweet Tarts flavor was revealed for what it truly is: a taste not unlike the aroma that wafts perpetually from the air fresheners found in the urinals of men's public restrooms.
So to sum up, it's a big, chewy pink clit that tastes like urinal mints smell. I put it in my mouth so you don't have to kids, if I found out that my sacrifice was in vain and you have eaten them anyway, I will be very disappointed. Then I will come to your house and hit you with heavy things which are not soft.
