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Nov. 3rd, 2003
So tired I can't sleep
Nov. 3rd, 2003 03:15 amToday was a different Sunday than most. I didn't spend it lurking in the bowels of my own gothic misery like I typically do. Perhaps the fact I got up at 2:45 pm had something to do with it. Apparently the less Sunday you have, the better. Having plans tonight didn't hurt either. Spent the evening over at Lesley's and we clarified some more things about our past that I was still confused over. Quite inadvertently, I might add. Learned some things that I wish I hadn't and that might come back to haunt me, opening up new doors of discomfort and assuring we never run out of things to talk about. But I said we clarified things about that time period better and we did. Talked about resentment and the paradox of resenting someone deeply and loving them more than you can even fathom at the same time. She was the one telling me I was justified in that resentment and I was the one saying I wasn't. It's not right to resent someone still when they've done ever possible thing they could humanly do to atone, and yet I do it anyway. To my surprise, it doesn't bother her one bit, not that I wanted it to. And according to her, I'm not a bad person. I guess I shouldn't think I am for loving like that and resenting like that at the same time. God does it with the entire human race every day.
The net result was a healthy conversation with lots of hugging and plenty of warm laughter at the end. I highly recommend to anyone that's in a romantic relationship that you and your partner flush your relationship every two to three months. Just sit down and get out every hurtful thing that's going on or has gone on, even if it's old news and you've talked about it before. If it still bothers you then it's clearly not old news so get it out in the open. Enough sunlight's bound to kill it sooner or later. If Lesley and I had communicated then the way we communicate now my life would be a different place.
The net result is that I'm very tired now. It's a bad idea to do anything emotional before you come to work because it just saps everything. And yes, I am so tired I really can't sleep because what has been going round in my head since we finished keeps going round. Hopefully it's just the last swirls before its unpleasantness vanishes down the toilet forever. I need a job that doesn't let me think so much. Can't what till I get off so I can go play with some L5R cards and get in my daily 15-20 minutes guitar practice, or some editing depending on which urge is stronger. Eighteen chapters down, approximately fifteen to go. Woot!
The net result was a healthy conversation with lots of hugging and plenty of warm laughter at the end. I highly recommend to anyone that's in a romantic relationship that you and your partner flush your relationship every two to three months. Just sit down and get out every hurtful thing that's going on or has gone on, even if it's old news and you've talked about it before. If it still bothers you then it's clearly not old news so get it out in the open. Enough sunlight's bound to kill it sooner or later. If Lesley and I had communicated then the way we communicate now my life would be a different place.
The net result is that I'm very tired now. It's a bad idea to do anything emotional before you come to work because it just saps everything. And yes, I am so tired I really can't sleep because what has been going round in my head since we finished keeps going round. Hopefully it's just the last swirls before its unpleasantness vanishes down the toilet forever. I need a job that doesn't let me think so much. Can't what till I get off so I can go play with some L5R cards and get in my daily 15-20 minutes guitar practice, or some editing depending on which urge is stronger. Eighteen chapters down, approximately fifteen to go. Woot!
Uberreiniger's Book Club
Nov. 3rd, 2003 08:49 amIt's like Oprah's book club except without all the lousy books about incest and cheap trashy plots about interracial romances in small racist backwater towns. And without a host who preaches about the importance of family and commitment in relationships while living in sin for decades with a freeloading goldbrick named Sherman. And I don't have that Doctor Phil guy to scream at people he's just met about their personal problems about which he knows nothing - I do that part myself! Anyway, on to the books.
Currently reading T.H. White's The Once and Future King. It's a book about King Arthur in case you didn't know. This book often gets enshrined as one of the "must read" classics of fantasy literature so when I found a used copy at a gaming con, I thought I'd better snag it. I mean, any book that Magneto reads in his spare time has to be pretty cool, right? Well, the jury's still out. It's a kid's book, basically, and not in that cool way like Harry Potter or Chronicles of Narnia. Those books talk to children like they're adults. This one talks to adults like their children. It's like reading a nine-hundred page novelization of Disney's The Sword in the Stone, which is easily one of the most asinine films ever made, and for a children's animated feature made in the 1950's, that's really saying something. But... just when I think Once and Future can't get any more ridiculous, it pulls a one-eighty and gives a message that's really profound or crafts a scene that's really visual and beautiful. Just when I think I'm going to pitch it, I keep reading.
Another "classic" in which I was gravely disappointed was Joseph Heller's Catch-22. The book has strong message: war is hell and beauracracies are stupid. Fine. I think we can all agree on that. Unlike contemporaries such as Vonnegut and Kubrick, however, Mr. Heller chooses to illustrate this truism without a plot and with jokes that aren't funny. When half the characters have sexual innuendos for names you know somebody's trying waaay too hard to be funny. The book had potential, but I just got fed up with its utter and complete refusal to go anywhere. I read novels primarily to be entertained, even political satires. This book was not entertaining. It wasn't even boring. It was just... aimless. I didn't even finish. It's part of the reason I'm sticking with Once and Future King. Giving up on two novels in a row just violates my code, man.
This has been Uberreiniger's Book Club. Join us after the break when we show women how to have better orgasms and make their husbands feel worse about themselves.
Currently reading T.H. White's The Once and Future King. It's a book about King Arthur in case you didn't know. This book often gets enshrined as one of the "must read" classics of fantasy literature so when I found a used copy at a gaming con, I thought I'd better snag it. I mean, any book that Magneto reads in his spare time has to be pretty cool, right? Well, the jury's still out. It's a kid's book, basically, and not in that cool way like Harry Potter or Chronicles of Narnia. Those books talk to children like they're adults. This one talks to adults like their children. It's like reading a nine-hundred page novelization of Disney's The Sword in the Stone, which is easily one of the most asinine films ever made, and for a children's animated feature made in the 1950's, that's really saying something. But... just when I think Once and Future can't get any more ridiculous, it pulls a one-eighty and gives a message that's really profound or crafts a scene that's really visual and beautiful. Just when I think I'm going to pitch it, I keep reading.
Another "classic" in which I was gravely disappointed was Joseph Heller's Catch-22. The book has strong message: war is hell and beauracracies are stupid. Fine. I think we can all agree on that. Unlike contemporaries such as Vonnegut and Kubrick, however, Mr. Heller chooses to illustrate this truism without a plot and with jokes that aren't funny. When half the characters have sexual innuendos for names you know somebody's trying waaay too hard to be funny. The book had potential, but I just got fed up with its utter and complete refusal to go anywhere. I read novels primarily to be entertained, even political satires. This book was not entertaining. It wasn't even boring. It was just... aimless. I didn't even finish. It's part of the reason I'm sticking with Once and Future King. Giving up on two novels in a row just violates my code, man.
This has been Uberreiniger's Book Club. Join us after the break when we show women how to have better orgasms and make their husbands feel worse about themselves.
