St. Patrick's Day post. Kind of.

Have you seen that new Irish Spring soap commercial? It shows all these superhumanly attractive "Irish" maidens clad in Ren Fest-issue peasant skirts and bodices frollicking in a rocky stream while some Flogging Molly-style Irish rock plays in the background. "There's something about Ireland that brings out the lasses!" exclaims a voiceover whose Irish accent is so over the top that you can just sense the children a heartbeat away, poised to steal his Lucky Charms. Then the "Irish" maiden and even the stream itself get sucked into a bottle of Irish Spring soap which a handsome man is seen to be using as he performs his daily ablutions. Yet just as the commercial ends he hears a wily feminine giggle and turns to see one of the bodice-clad heroines leering coyly at him before disappearing back down the bottle's spout once again.

So apparently a bottle of Irish Spring body wash functions more or less identically to a genie's lamp except that instead of one Barbara Eden, you get a gaggle of eye candy models. And they were peasant garb instead of harem pants. And when they are not emerging from plastic containers of shower product, they are apparently occupied by the side of one of the charming streams of Erin, giggling and frolicking, just a heartbeat away from your lesbian porno fantasy.

I'm not even going to cast any judgements here. I'll just let everyone make their own conclusions.

But I do take issue with that one line. "There's something about Ireland that brings out the lasses!" See, somehow I don't think women in Ireland wake up every morning and exclaim. "I'm in Ireland! I guess I'd better go out! In my bodice and skirt, no less. Down by the stream."

And then the lasses are sad, because they realize what their mothers predicted has come true, that they were gonna wind up living in a shampoo bottle DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Ew. That would be scary. A commercial where the guy opens the bottle and a bunch of Chris Farleys jump out.