I'm part of the in crowd. I know what the in crowd knows...

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rustie25 said something that sums up my mood today so perfectly that I'm just going to steal it from her and give her full credit:

Have you ever felt like you almost know what is bothering you, but you cant quite get it out, so it just sits there? And even if you could get it out, it is probably not something you want to share with anyone anyway? And so you find the littler shit that is bothering you and bore others with that?

There's something I want to talk about, but I just can't get the words out. A friend of mine took a course of action over the last several months which, although she meant no harm to anyone, was hurtful to many people including me. She's back from France now where it all happened at and we've been slowly talking through it on AIM and it's been bothering me, making me face things in my life and in my person I don't want to face. Making me face the fact that another person I held up as a standard of behaviour to emulate just couldn't make the grade. And I know I've probably done the same thing to someone else at some point too.

( If my moping hasn't bored you yet, then by all means, please continue reading. )

This friend emailed me tonight with the story of everything that happened in the four months when I had no idea what was going on and I need to reply to her. At least she's trying to make things right between us again. I have to give her that. It's a hell of a lot more than Sarah P. did, and she's someone I've been thinking of a lot these past few days too. It's been the cool, October-like weather. It reminds me of the autumn nights when we lived in Manhattan, KS. and would meet once a week for coffee. I have this big problem with temperatures and smells taking me back to places, can you tell yet?

I keep trying to find a cheerful note to end this on, but I'm not in a cheerful mood. Sorry guy. I'll be fine by this time tomorrow night, I promise. These moods come and these moods go. Always have.