A plague on everyone's houses

The numbers of those afflicted with mysterious ailments this week continues to rise. My life is surrounded by illness and pestilence. Here are the numbers from the last seven days:

Me: Mysterious neck pain resembling glandular infection arrives and vanishes over 48 hours.

Lesley: Mysterious ailment of nebulous nature arrives and vanishes over 48 hours.

Dave & Sarah: Sever colds keep them home, make them miserable.

My friend Adam: Mysterious cold keeps him home, makes him miserable.

My friend Amy: Recovering from kidney infection.

Co-worker Jennifer: Suffering from kidney stones.

Co-worker Rodney: Checked into hospital Monday with severe abdominal pain, which vanishes as inexplicably as it arrived. No cause determined.

My friend Jim: Checked into hospital today with severe abdominal pain, which vanishes as inexplicably as it arrived. No cause determined.

In: Monkey Pox
Out: SARS
Still Fashionable: West Nile Virus
So Ten Years Ago: Hanta Virus
Hoplessly Retro: Lyme Disease
Trying to make a comeback: Anthrax
Yet to make an appearance: Saddam's WMD

If you have a strange or interesting illness (or are one,) and I've forgotten to list you, please, let me know!

I wanted to see what all the fuss was about...

	

	

	

		
dayglowdave
		

		
102%
		

		

		

	
	
	


	

	

	

		
donkeyjon
		

		
102%
		

		

		

	
	
	


	

	

	

		
stitchedsutures
		

		
98%
		

		

		

	
	
	


	

	

	

		
megiloth
		

		
77%
		

		

		

	
	
	


	

	

	

		
screamingvenus
		

		
72%
		

		

		

	
	
	


	

	

	

		
bond007kitty
		

		
69%
		

		

		

	
	
	

How compatible with me are YOU?

So I gave it a try. Alright folks, you can clearly see the statistics and I'm sure you're aware they don't lie. So who's it gonna be? Who's first in line to sexXX my seXxXy body? :)

Hope I'm doing the html right...

I found this site courtesy of lilgothgirlie it's http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slang.cgi You type in a word and it will create a slang definition based off that word. For fun I started typing in LJ friends' names. The results were, in many cases, TERRIFYINGLY accurate. Read on...

Amanda
n. a person without a male.
"Reggie, that Amanda is so expensive!"

Donkeyjon
adj. addicted to beer.
"Bud, I'm not going to see that gun - it's Donkeyjon!"

Batchix
adj. like a boy.
"I need a Batchix piece of jewelry, and I need it now, old chap."

Megiloth
n. an old-school term for beer.
"I'm gonna chase your Megiloth, Mom." "No you're not, buddy."

Noel
interj. a retort used to warn someone to back away.
"You'd better Noel, man."

dayglowdave
v. to behave in an outrageous manner.
"Mind you don't dayglowdave, Jesse."

Ravenfyre
adj. getting ready to punch something.
"Billie is, like, so Ravenfyre."

Meggan
n. an illegal female.
"This Meggan is insufficiently illegal!"

Sadly, none of my other LJ friends' names produced sufficiently appropriate definitions.

Then, I tried some of my other favorite words...

tittyfucker
n. a person with more than one scooter.
"Want me to have sex with that tittyfucker, Kelly?"

blumpy
v. to become foreign.
"Jackie, I really need to blumpy."

bukkake
n. drugs.
"Brian, you can't laugh at bukkake!"

blunken
adj. not illegal.
"Nigel, what happened? Your child is blunken!"

Then I stopped because I realized I'm really perverse and have a thirteen year old boy's sense of humor. Anyway, it was a nice day today. Drove around with my dad house shopping. We found what seems to be a rental-locating service so things are going to go much faster and more smoothly, which is a load off my mind. He's napping in the living room while I type. Meanwhile, Lesley dropped me off a house key so I can check on her pets while she's gone this week. She also gave me permission to sleep at her house if I wanted to get away from the noisy kids to which I say a resounding HELL YEAH, DO I EVER! Life is good for now. It was just a very nice day.

In the interest of fairness, here are my own definitions

Green Warlock
adj. unable to relax with porn.
"I wish my disco was Green Warlock."

Tyree
n. mid-nineties term for money.
"Sexy Tyree, Frank!"

Uberreiniger
interj. a statement of agreement.
"Frank, shall we see some porn?" "Uberreiniger!"