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More Than Meets The Eye...
Apr. 5th, 2003 06:35 pmWARNING: If you're not a fan of 80's action cartoons, read no further.
It's been a while since I vegged out and watched cartoons so I'm kinda out of the loop. But I had heard there was a new Transformers cartoon and that the Transformers are doing well in general. This makes me happy. Naturally, when I tuned in to Cartoon Network this morning and saw Transformers Armada coming on I was like "yipee!" And so began thirty of the most abysmally wasted minutes of my life.
If you've ever seen the original 80's cartoon then you know that Peter Cullen and Frank Welker are more than just the voices of Optimus Prime and Megatron, they ARE Optimus Prime and Megatron. And listening to anyone else try and voice those two crucial characters is just painful. I know they make these cartoons for modern kids and not us old timers, but still. I mean would it have been that hard for Cartoon Network to get Peter Cullen to step in and do the lines for Optimus? He does all their freaking commercials for crying out loud!
Of course the heroic Autobots would be nothing without some a few token humans to trapse after them in fawning hero worship. This time around, we get a Greek Chorus of whiny teenagers whom the producers have unwisely chosen to make the focal point of the show. By the first commercial break I was desperately craving for Starscream to show up and start crushing some worthless fleshing ass.
And of course they're a politically correct group of kids as well. Pop quiz: What do children's cartoons and children's math text books have in common? They're the only place on earth where you will find a teenage clique composed of exactly two white kids, one black kid, one asian kid, and one peurto rican kid.
On the bright side, the new He-Man cartoon was also on and I was genuinely impressed. I mean it is animated gorgeously, the characters have depth and the storylines actually look like someone came up with them more than ten minutes before air time.
A lot of flaws in the original 80's cartoon have been repaired. For one thing, He-Man actually looks different in his alter-ego disguise as Prince Adam. I always wondered how come the king and queen couldn't tell that He-Man was actually just their son with his shirt off.
Another thing is Skeletor, He-Man's nemesis. They've actually bothered to make him into an honest-to-God villain this time around instead of just some ill-tempered buffoon whom He-Man occasionally humiliates. Few people remember this, but Skeletor had actually coined the word "d'oh!" as an expression of frustration several years before Homer Simpson.
I remember when I was little and my best friend would come over to play. He always wanted to play with my Skeletor. His parents wouldn't let him have one; Skeletor was "satanic."
And admittedly, appearance-wise Skeletor isn't exactly the most Middle America-friendly action figure devised. So I imagine making him into an oafish stumble-bum on the original TV show was the toy campany's way of covering its own ass. Now it's the 00's and nobody gives a f**k so Skeletor can finally shine in all his evil glory.
Unfortunately, Orko is also back. Because hey, a levitating blue midget with a voice like a cat trapped inside an accordian is the perfect sidekick for an invincible half-naked muscle man. Right. I didn't like him then. I don't like him now and I think all comic sidekicks of super heroes need to go the way of the dodo. Maybe if I ask nicely enough Starscream will come deal with Orko as soon as he's done crushing the teenaged fleshlings. Until then, Decepticons attack!!!!
It's been a while since I vegged out and watched cartoons so I'm kinda out of the loop. But I had heard there was a new Transformers cartoon and that the Transformers are doing well in general. This makes me happy. Naturally, when I tuned in to Cartoon Network this morning and saw Transformers Armada coming on I was like "yipee!" And so began thirty of the most abysmally wasted minutes of my life.
If you've ever seen the original 80's cartoon then you know that Peter Cullen and Frank Welker are more than just the voices of Optimus Prime and Megatron, they ARE Optimus Prime and Megatron. And listening to anyone else try and voice those two crucial characters is just painful. I know they make these cartoons for modern kids and not us old timers, but still. I mean would it have been that hard for Cartoon Network to get Peter Cullen to step in and do the lines for Optimus? He does all their freaking commercials for crying out loud!
Of course the heroic Autobots would be nothing without some a few token humans to trapse after them in fawning hero worship. This time around, we get a Greek Chorus of whiny teenagers whom the producers have unwisely chosen to make the focal point of the show. By the first commercial break I was desperately craving for Starscream to show up and start crushing some worthless fleshing ass.
And of course they're a politically correct group of kids as well. Pop quiz: What do children's cartoons and children's math text books have in common? They're the only place on earth where you will find a teenage clique composed of exactly two white kids, one black kid, one asian kid, and one peurto rican kid.
On the bright side, the new He-Man cartoon was also on and I was genuinely impressed. I mean it is animated gorgeously, the characters have depth and the storylines actually look like someone came up with them more than ten minutes before air time.
A lot of flaws in the original 80's cartoon have been repaired. For one thing, He-Man actually looks different in his alter-ego disguise as Prince Adam. I always wondered how come the king and queen couldn't tell that He-Man was actually just their son with his shirt off.
Another thing is Skeletor, He-Man's nemesis. They've actually bothered to make him into an honest-to-God villain this time around instead of just some ill-tempered buffoon whom He-Man occasionally humiliates. Few people remember this, but Skeletor had actually coined the word "d'oh!" as an expression of frustration several years before Homer Simpson.
I remember when I was little and my best friend would come over to play. He always wanted to play with my Skeletor. His parents wouldn't let him have one; Skeletor was "satanic."
And admittedly, appearance-wise Skeletor isn't exactly the most Middle America-friendly action figure devised. So I imagine making him into an oafish stumble-bum on the original TV show was the toy campany's way of covering its own ass. Now it's the 00's and nobody gives a f**k so Skeletor can finally shine in all his evil glory.
Unfortunately, Orko is also back. Because hey, a levitating blue midget with a voice like a cat trapped inside an accordian is the perfect sidekick for an invincible half-naked muscle man. Right. I didn't like him then. I don't like him now and I think all comic sidekicks of super heroes need to go the way of the dodo. Maybe if I ask nicely enough Starscream will come deal with Orko as soon as he's done crushing the teenaged fleshlings. Until then, Decepticons attack!!!!
