Loss. Lots of loss.
I have a lot to be happy for today. I got to spend the day with my wife. We went and saw Brave, which is a wonderful movie, and I successfully replaced the high E string on my guitar. I got some freelance work done and landed another contract.
But it's hard to be happy because several friends have recently lost someone they loved. Today a friend lost someone. In the last few weeks I've seen other friends here on LJ lose people as well. In each case it has been relatively sudden. They had weeks, or maybe days to get ready, which is more than a lot of us get. But it still left them reeling. They're all hurting bad and there isn't anything I can do. I hate that feeling. They know who they are so I won't name names but I just wish there was so much more I could do. What happened to all of you wasn't fair and it wasn't right. If I could I'd make it right for all of you again, somehow.
Naturally today is the day that the guy from the previous post realized I was actually serious in ending the friendship, quit trying to WIN(!) the argument, and got all emotional about it. He's genuinely upset now, I feel bad that I hurt him, and in turn feel angry for feeling bad about it. I am standing firm though, being careful to be honest but not vindictive; carefully avoiding apologies. I shouldn't have to be sorry. I really can't keep making excuses for putting up with his constant posts that go against my morality. Just these past few days not seeing him on my feed constantly has improved my stress level dramatically.
But then I think of the people struggling with loss, who didn't get to properly say goodbye or at least not the goodbye they wanted, and I realize that life is too damn short for this shit and I don't know what to do.
I never got around to blogging about it here but my 17 year-old cat who was very dear to me died two weeks ago. I guess that's still affecting me more than I realized, making me view all this loss in a different light. I know it's just a pet, but 17 years is a long time to have any living thing in your life and even though he was more my parents' cat the last few years than mine I still find myself thinking about him at the oddest times and getting choked up.
I hadn't meant for this to turn into a dreary post but it has. I think it's better if I just stop. Go see Brave. It's a good film for taking your mind off everything horrible in the world, if only for a little while.
But it's hard to be happy because several friends have recently lost someone they loved. Today a friend lost someone. In the last few weeks I've seen other friends here on LJ lose people as well. In each case it has been relatively sudden. They had weeks, or maybe days to get ready, which is more than a lot of us get. But it still left them reeling. They're all hurting bad and there isn't anything I can do. I hate that feeling. They know who they are so I won't name names but I just wish there was so much more I could do. What happened to all of you wasn't fair and it wasn't right. If I could I'd make it right for all of you again, somehow.
Naturally today is the day that the guy from the previous post realized I was actually serious in ending the friendship, quit trying to WIN(!) the argument, and got all emotional about it. He's genuinely upset now, I feel bad that I hurt him, and in turn feel angry for feeling bad about it. I am standing firm though, being careful to be honest but not vindictive; carefully avoiding apologies. I shouldn't have to be sorry. I really can't keep making excuses for putting up with his constant posts that go against my morality. Just these past few days not seeing him on my feed constantly has improved my stress level dramatically.
But then I think of the people struggling with loss, who didn't get to properly say goodbye or at least not the goodbye they wanted, and I realize that life is too damn short for this shit and I don't know what to do.
I never got around to blogging about it here but my 17 year-old cat who was very dear to me died two weeks ago. I guess that's still affecting me more than I realized, making me view all this loss in a different light. I know it's just a pet, but 17 years is a long time to have any living thing in your life and even though he was more my parents' cat the last few years than mine I still find myself thinking about him at the oddest times and getting choked up.
I hadn't meant for this to turn into a dreary post but it has. I think it's better if I just stop. Go see Brave. It's a good film for taking your mind off everything horrible in the world, if only for a little while.